Ultrasound, Part II - The Ultrasoundening

We've been looking forward to the week 32 ultrasound ever since the first shot at finding out whether our kid is a boy or girl met with a resounding "Uh... I think it's a girl?" Those of you keeping score at home may recall that we are sitting at about 28 weeks right now, so we've still got a few weeks until that confirmation.

At least, we did have a few weeks to go, right up until yesterday when during a routine visit the doctor became concerned that Hollie's fundal height (yay for pregnancy terminology!) hadn't changed since her last visit earlier this month. In layman's terms, the doc was concerned that the baby hadn't grown much, if at all, in the last three weeks. As this is a cause for concern, the doc ordered an ultrasound to double check that everything is progressing as it should.

Now, this really should be no big deal, right? Doc find something she wants to check, she checks it. That's how it should work. I know from experience that when the doctor made this observation, she and Hollie were sitting in an exam room no more than 15 feet from an ultrasound machine. Heck, they've got a little ultrasound they can wheel right into the exam room. See a potential problem; check for confirmation. Seems like a fairly straightforward process.

And it would be, except that our health insurance, which changed about three months ago, now doesn't cover fetal ultrasounds at the OB/GYN office. It only covers ultrasounds at the radiology clinic half a mile away. Which requires a separate appointment. And a referral. And a separate co-pay. And at least a day of waiting to find out if, in fact, OUR BABY IS TOO SMALL! (Incidentally, no one every explained what we would do if this was actually the case. Are there fetal steroids? Fetal protein powder? Tiny barbells surgically implanted in the womb?)

I can rant now because I know that everything is fine. The benefit of hindsight allows me to be angry at the system that let us stew for 24 hours rather than provide answers that were literally at our physician's fingertips. But seriously, how much sense does any of this make? My mom's a nurse; I should ask her.

In any case, we were thankfully able to schedule an ultrasound for first thing this morning. The next worry is that we'll end up with the same tech from the first go round, who didn't exactly inspire confidence in this particular medical establishment.

I sling a fair amount of sarcasm in this here blog, but I'd like to press pause on the snark for a second to say that our tech this morning was an absolute pleasure. I can't speak for Hollie, and all the poking and prodding that likely occurred before I was allowed into the room, but this tech was everything that our previous tech was not. She was polite, friendly, knowledgeable and reassuring. She gave us every assurance that this particular set of ultrasound measurements were clear and accurate.

So yes, our baby is growing (if anything, the baby is a bit bigger than you'd expect for 27 weeks and 6 days. 3.4 pounds! Apparently, that's about the right size for 29 weeks and 3 days. Take that, fundal measurements!). Yes, all the right parts are there. And yes, she is, with as much certainty as an ultrasound can provide, a girl.

And here is her face.
I realize it's a bit hard to make out in a still image, but trust me, this is a face. It's easier to see when you've watched the live image. Passing the ultrasound wand over the baby is almost like watching a 3D image. Looking at one snapshot of that picture is like looking at one slice of that image.

The black space in the center is her forehead, and just below that you can make out her right eye, nose and mouth. Much like last time, our daughter was very shy. While she didn't turn away from the wand, her left hand was covering her face for a good portion of the exam. That's why her left eye is mostly obscured in this shot. At one point the fingers on her left hand clenched and unclenched while we watched, which could either mean she was waving, or shooing us away. (Or it was involuntary fetal movement. Oops, must've pressed the snark button again.)

As annoying as the entire process was, I'm glad we got to see her again, and I'm glad everything is fine.

Nursery Preview

We've spent a little bit of time so far getting the nursery ready. I already clued you in on the paint choice, which I'm still pleased about.

Some folks have been asking me about a nursery theme. In our quest to create a fun nursery, we've run through a couple of ideas. And there are some really cool, really cute decorations available.

My initial plan involved a Super Mario theme, and was one of several reasons we chose the wall color we did. But then I realized how expensive the vinyl sticker sets were, and I'd probably need to get at least two sets to do it up right. Then Hollie and I started balking on the notion of putting licensed characters on the walls of the kid's room. Now, it's not like we're going to eliminate all branded apparel/toys/decorations from our kid's life, (and this is a great discussion for another time) but putting giant cartoon characters on the walls is a slippery slope we aren't willing to slide down just yet.

Next, we thought about a generic, but playful, monster theme. As far as fabric for making sheet sets goes, there are a seemingly limitless number of options, if we're so inclined. We even picked up these random stuffed monster toys at the Disney store, which were crazy on-sale. Turns out Disney has a thing called the Happy Monster Band. Did anyone else know this existed? It's actually pretty cute, and the songs aren't bad, as far as children's music goes.

But we decided that while the colors for most of these options are nice, bright, and gender neutral, monsters as an entire concept probably skews a bit too masculine. And if I'm going to go out of my way to decry pink as an option for my little girl, I probably shouldn't go all the way to the opposite side, just in case it turns out that we have a boy.

So sticking with the color palette that a lot of the monster and Nintendo stuff had, we decided to just go fun, cheery, bright and high-contrasty (it's a word, trust me.)

To that end, we got these curtains we found on our last trip to IKEA. In addition to the red and blue on the bottom 2/3 of the fabric, there are squares of dark blue, yellow, green, pink and red. A nice variety of colors, I think.

In addition to the curtains, we're going to use Wall Pops, these vinyl color blocks you can get at A.C. Moore. You'll have to wait until we're finished to get the effect on the whole room, but I think it's going to be pretty sweet.

Plugged In, Turned On, Tuned Out

So much of what I've written up to this point, and so much of what's to come, deals with the unknown. I don't know exactly how a kid is going to change my life, I just know that she will. Clearly, I want to be the best dadI can be, but until I'm actually engaged in the act of parenting, it's all theory and no practice. That's life.

All that said, I can think and theorize and at least put some ideas in my head so that when the time comes to act, I've at least put some effort into making good, informed decisions and act in best interests of my child and family. Trouble is, then I read an article like this one in the New York Times.

The gist, for those of you don't usually click through because you're reading this on a smartphone (ironically), is that there's some burgeoning evidence that technology savvy parents are spending too much time in front of hi-tech devices, and not enough time engaging with their kids.

Take the picture at the top of the article. I'm sure this particular image was staged, but it's one I've seen often at restaurants. Mom and Dad glued to a phone while the kid is mesmerized by a hand-held video game. (Hilariously, while everyone else in this picture is focused on one device or another, the youngest child is staring at shiny spoon. Soon enough, kid, you too will have a blinking screen. Just practice staring at the spoon 'til then.)

As irritating as it is for me to see kids at restaurants completely disconnected from their families, intently focused on their games, they had to learn that behavior somewhere, right? The article makes the point that we've spent a lot of energy worrying about what the 24/7 wireless world is doing to kids using the technology, but not much time worrying about what we are doing to our kids because we're using the technology, too.

The article loses a bit of steam when it implies that the flickering screens (literally, the screens, not the abilities or benefits inherent in the technology) of our smartphones and laptops are the problem, creating an addiction that's hard to break. But it's hard to argue that spending less time plugged in and more time tending to our progeny is a bad thing.

What is come down to is this: As much as I love my iPhone, I pledge not to use it at the dinner table. As much as I love video games, I pledge to play with my kids, not in front of them. As much as I love the Internet, I pledge to use it for good, not for evil.

Okay, so I lost a bit of steam there towards the end, but my point is that technology doesn't have to disconnect us. And I don't mean to imply that we should suspend our relationship with technology. Far from it. I want my daughter to like video games; and I can't wait (he says with an intact iPhone bearing no scuff or scratch marks) until she's pawing away at the touchscreen on my phone, making sounds and shapes appear from nowhere.

It'll be a good time. I just have to remember where the off button is.

Trek Wars

There are many important decisions to be made when confronted with parenthood. Nursing vs. bottle feeding; cloth diapers vs. disposables; public vs. private school. All of these will determine how your child develops and grows. But these are topics for another post. Today, I confront a much weightier decision. One that could have ramifications for years to come.

When it comes to sci-fi, how do I raise my kid? Star Trek or Star Wars? It's a Great Geek Debate.

I'll paraphrase that deleted scene from Pulp Fiction.

My theory is that when it comes to important subjects, there's only two ways a person can answer. For example, there's two kinds of people in this world, Star Trek people and Star Wars people. Now Star Trek people can like Star Wars. And Star Wars people can like Star Trek. But nobody likes them both equally. Somewhere you have to make a choice.

My apologies to Quentin Tarentino.

When I was a kid, I had a friend in Boy Scouts who loved to argue this point. Really loved to argue it. He'd quote you the tech specs of Imperial Battle Cruisers and X-wing Fighters and tell you there's no way that any of the many Enterprises could hold a candle to them in terms of firepower. He'd rage for hours about The Force, and how much more powerful The Emperor or Luke Skywalker were than anyone in Star Trek. What do Trekkies have, anyway? A dude with pointy ears who pinches people? An android with a positronic brain? Please! And don't get him started on Boba Fett. Seriously, don't ever get him started on Boba Fett.

Clearly, as I'm sure you've guessed, I'm a Star Trek guy, or I wouldn't have had to endure these arguments. As these conversations (rants) occurred around 1992, I didn't have the prequels (Good Lord, the prequels.) to throw in his face, but likewise, he couldn't lambast Star Trek Nemesis (sweet merciful God was that movie bad).

But choosing how to expose kids to my favorite sci-fi is important, as least to me, so how do I make Star Trek seem cool? There aren't even any decent female role models for my daughter. Surely she'd rather be Princess Leia or Ahsoka Tano than Captain Janeway or Counselor Troi or, heaven forbid, Seven of Nine. I love Star Trek, and even I think those ladies are lame. (Although at least the Trek wiki is way cooler looking.)

And the concepts... surely it's way easier for kids to grasp the high action and good vs. evil in Star Wars than the deeply philosophical "why are we here" message that carries through most of Trek. Like I said, I love Star Trek, and even I recognize why kids would rather swing a lightsaber on Halloween than walk around in a blue jumpsuit with a beeping tricorder.

I guess I just have to accept that everything comes in stages. Star Wars, with its many movies, cartoons, comic books, games, toys and costumes, will probably come first, followed at some point, once she can sit still, by my favorite episodes of Next Generation or Enterprise.

In truth, I suppose I've already accepted it. I mean, I did buy this last week at a craft fair.
Seriously, how could I say no to a tiny t-shirt with an AT-ST on it? Some enterprising (see what I did there?) crafter needs to create a better version of this by the time my daughter arrives. That's all I'm saying.

What do you think? Star Trek or Star Wars? Which comes first?

Secret Superpowers

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a pretty emotional guy. I don't often get angry (although when I do, watch out), but little things will often cause the adam's apple to rise, the lips to quiver, and the eyes to get a little misty. Hollie will often turn to me during a not-especially-weepy movie to find that my lips are pressed into a firm line while I'm clearly suppressing (not always successfully) the urge to weep openly.

Titanic? Wept for an hour when I was 17. Where the Wild Things Are? At least three times. Old Yeller? Seriously, what is this, some kind of emotional torture device designed by Disney for the sole purpose of making boys cry?

For about the last four weeks (about the time we think we found out it's a girl), though, the big thing to get me? Thinking about all the good and bad; opportunities and trials; and happiness and disappointment my daughter will face in her life. Yeah, yeah, I know. Could I be more melodramatic. Probably not.

But I was listening to NPR on the way to work this morning, and this story played. It's just one of a special series of stories this year as part of a project called the Hidden World of Girls. The story in question was simply about one woman, science fiction writer Pat Cadigan, who, inspired as a child by The Day the Earth Stood Still, created a secret fantasy world with her best friend.

They imagined they were super-powered twins from Venus sent to Earth to secretly help those in need. The fact that those they deemed most in need were The Beatles, Superman and Wonderwoman shows that geekery knows no bounds of time or gender, even in the 1960s.

But the part that got me welling up a little was this: Even though they continued to play and create in their secret world well into their teens, they eventually grew apart. Lives move along, as lives tend to do, and this relationship that was so important when they were younger suddenly had no relevance to their grownup world. It's a loss of innocence, and although it's completely normal part of growing up, it struck me as sad.

I'm excited for my daughter to get here. I really am. I want to see her grow and mature and experience all that life has to offer. I just hope we can stave off that loss of innocence for as long as we can. Surely the world will always need a few secret superheroes.