Halloween 2015: We're all mad here.

Ask a kid what they want to be for Halloween every day of the week, and you're likely to get a different answer each time. After last year's sibling costume, LG had various ideas for a followup. Astronaut and alien, spider and fly, World War 1 Flying Ace and Red Baron. Then, we were listening to "Monster Mash" by Bobby 'Boris' Pickett sometime over the summer (like you do), and LG suddenly announced that she was going to be a Mad Scientist, and we never looked back.

G2, on the other hand, had a different answer every time until we pinned him down to something in September. And what grand idea did this 2-and-a-half-year-old boy have? Super hero? Ninja? Octonaut? Nope. He told Hollie he wanted to be a moth. Far be it from us to deny a child the costume of his dreams, so we dutifully looked up moth wings on Etsy. When we couldn't find what we wanted there (namely, anything other than a set of glitter luna moth wings for $75), we decided to make our own.

Since the children weren't accessorized with one another, we figured we were going to need to dress up. My costume was easy; with a lab coat and butterfly net, I'd be an entomologist. Hollie was going to be a little harder, but LG came through with another brilliant idea while they were searching the aisles of our local pop-up Halloween store. They'd get as many animal ears, tails, snouts and gloves as they could, and Hollie would be LG's mad science creation.

At the last minute, I decided I was LG's assistant, seeking out the rare and cunning moth boy. And thus, a family costume was born.

"That's a nice story, Matt," I hear you saying to yourself, "but I'm here for pretty much one reason. Where's the sloppy Photoshoppy?"

Your patience will be rewarded, dear reader.

Yes, she's huge, but you try covering up Gene Wilder and his hair with a 5 year old.

I like to think her hair was equally inspired by Frederick Fronkensteen and Sweeney Todd.

Hide your sweater, hide your blankets, cuz these moths are eating everything up in here.
(This joke is funny, but Hollie would like to add a scientific editorial note.
The larva of these toddler moths would eat your sweaters.
Enjoy the rest of the post.)

But the best is yet to come. Inspired by last year's Annie poster, I figured I needed to get the whole family into a single image.

"Matt," I hear you say, "Who is 1974's Teri Garr?"
No one. Because you don't mess with 1974 Teri Garr.

 Happy Halloween, everyone! See you next year!

Tap Dancing and Horrible Dreams

A conversation with LG following a particularly vigorous tap dance.

LG: Does this look like tap dancing?

Me: Yeah, it looks pretty good. It looks like what I remember my pretend tap dancing looking like when I was your age.

LG: Did you take tap dancing lessons?

Me: I did not.

LG: Why not?

Me: I guess I figured that my pretend dancing looked pretty good. Why did I need the real thing?

LG: Can I take tap dancing lessons?

Me: We'll look into it.

LG: Good. Because if I don't take lessons, I'll never achieve my dream.

Me: Your dream?

LG: Of being a tap dancing rock star!

Me: Well, that's... umm...

LG: What?

Me: I was going to say "untapped market," but I didn't think you'd get the pun.

LG: I don't know what a pun is, but that's pretty funny.

A brief conversation with G2 upon waking him from his nap.

Me: Time to wake up!

G2: I had a good dream. And there was a squid, and it was (makes horrible snorting sound).

Me: Ummm.... that seems like an odd sound for a squid to make.

G2: It was snoring! And there was a bear, and it was (horrible snorting sound)! And there was a mouse, and it was (horrible snorting sound)! And there was a lion, and it was (horrible snorting sound)!

Me: So a squid and a bear and a mouse and a lion were all snoring, and this was a good dream?

G2: Yes. (long pause, then a harsh whisper) And the squid had a face.

Me: One of these days we're going to have to explain the difference between dreams and nightmares.

The Pope: A Conversation with My Daughter

Presented without commentary, just know that it made me laugh.

LG: Why does mom need to work late tonight?
Me: Because a lot of people are in town to see Pope Francis, and they might want to come to the museum.
LG: Why do people want to see Pope Francis?
Me: He's the leader of the Catholic Church, and a lot of folks think that's pretty important.
LG: I want to go see Pope Francis.
Me: We're not members of the Catholic Church, so although it's neat that he's here, it's not really important to us, at least not as important as it is to Catholics.
LG: Did he bring his kids?
Me: Who? The Pope?
LG: Yeah. Did he bring his kids?
Me: He doesn't have any kids. He doesn't have a wife or partner.
LG: He doesn't have a wife? Why not?
Me: He's not allowed. He's a priest.
LG: What's a priest?
Me: It's like a teacher in the church.
LG: Teachers can get married. My teacher is MRS. MacAdams. She's MRS., and that means she's married.
Me: Yes, it does, and teachers are allowed to get married. Most people can get married if they want to, but the Catholic Church says that priests can't get married. Nuns can't either.
LG: What's a nun?
Me: A woman who has devoted her life to the Church.

....(long pause)....

LG: But what if a Pope and nun love each other very much?

Year 5 in Review: The Pictures

Well, it's here. Last year at this time I was lamenting that in just one year, we'd have a kindergartener on our hands. And as of four days ago, we do. Also like last year, in looking back at the previous 12 months, there's not so much physical change evident as mental change. LG can actually play games now, and wants to. All. The. Time. She's still not super at video games, but she's getting there. 

As reminder, each of these photos was taken within a few days of the 12th of each month.

So let's take a step back to before she was wiping the floor with me in Wii boxing. Here's where we left off. 

September 2014

LG's pretty good at receiving gifts and getting better. She's just super enthusiastic about opening things. Now we just need to work on saying "Thanks!" a little more often.

October 2014

The changes are subtle, but it's great how she's just better at certain kinds of things. You forget that drawing, coloring, and creating are learned skills, and when you practice them often enough, you improve. So yeah, she's just painting a pumpkin here, but she went in with an idea and executed it. I think it was a witch. Yeah, let's go with witch.

November 2014

My kid is not a cool kid, but sometimes, you start to think she might be. Sunglasses help.

December 2014

I will be super sad when this hat no longer fits her. I'm pretty sure G2 took to wearing it by the end of winter last year, but that's because he's totally at the point where he just wants stuff because she has it. It's still her hat, unless we find that it's too small when we get it out of storage this winter. That will be a sad day.

January 2015

I'm sorry, did I say sunglasses make you look cool? I was mistaken.

It's pink butterfly umbrellas that make you look cool.

February 2015

And butterfly wings.

March 2015

It's like every day is a different costume. One of her favorite things over the past few months has been draping a very large silk scarf around her in various ways and pretending to be something new. For some reason, she decided a toga-like orientation was perfect for dancing to "Walk like and Egyptian." It doesn't really make and sense, but it's adorable.

April 2015

LG begged, BEGGED for a scooter for months. She's had a bike for more than a year, and while she's still not great at it, she took to the scooter immediately. You could argue that it's easier to balance a scooter, but mostly, I'm just impressed at the speed she builds up on that thing.

May 2015

As you'll see in the next picture, getting a good smile from Millie when she knows the camera is pointed in her direction is hard. Better then to take as many candids as you can manage, because then and only then will you get a smile and not some weird facial contortion.

June 2015

If this year can be defined by anything, it's theater. We took her to see Annie in December, Lion King in June, and Shrek the Musical in August. She took two different sets of musical theater classes in Philly. It was adorable. I still don't want to be a stage parent, but I totally get the impulse. She's an enthusiastic performer and an engaged audience member. You can't go wrong with that.

July 2015

Our second family camping trip proved two things. First, we need to camp more (but when the weather isn't quite so hot). Second, kids do not care how gross the lake is, they're going to get in there anyway.

August 2015

I won't say The Boxtrolls was her favorite movie this year, but she did watch it four times in the space of a week. And after I cut holes in this box, she wouldn't let me throw it away.

September 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015

At the beach this year, it became apparent that she is too tall for the crop size I've allowed myself for this collage. So in order to illustrate the true change over the past year, I'm going to share this:

If she wasn't in the ocean in water up to her neck, she was on the sand trying to get someone to take a picture of her jumping. It's better than peace signs and duck-face selfies.

And as it turns out, she's totally tall enough for nearly all the important rides at the boardwalk now, which means two things: I get to go on much more fun rides, and I spend a lot more money on tickets. It's cool though, because it means that someone who hasn't taken a regular nap since March of 2013 passes out in the middle of the day.

Vacation-induced naps, September 2013, 2014, 2015

She can be a handful, but she's a delightful, energetic, thoroughly intelligent and adorable handful. Just look at that smile!

September 2015

G2 Year in Review II: The Pictures

It's true that time seems to speed up as you get older. I swear to you, it does not seem like a year has passed since I wrote this. On the whole, it was a good year, though it does seem like G2 was sick slightly more often. Daycare, an older sister and a pre-disposition toward asthma will do that to a person. Honestly, I'm congested something like nine months out of the year, so the odds were never in his favor.

But, in the past year, he learned to walk, then run, then bounce off every conceivable hard surface (and that was just in the first month and a half). He went from talking very little to talking a lot to singing passionate renditions of "Let It Go," "Tomorrow,"and "Uptown Funk." You've not lived until you've witnessed a 4-year-old and 2-year-old engage in spirited call and response using "Uptown, funk you up, uptown funk you up!" (Seriously though, it's also never been harder to capture this nonsense on video. I write this down now hoping my aged brain will be able to conjure up the memory when I'm old and gray.)

Enough jibba jabba. Without further ado, here's G2's second year in pictures.

Reminder: each of these pictures was taken on or around the 29th of the month.

Here's where we left off. Covered in cake and splotches. Today, he got significantly more cake in his mouth, and he's a lot less splotchy.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you from the sound of the sugar roaring through my veins.

These first couple pictures are not indicative of the sheer amount of smiling this kid does. He really only has two or three modes: eating, smiling and getting into trouble.

April: He used to be super fond of popping out of this window.

As he started to walk regularly (around 13 and a half months), we didn't always have to bring the stroller or the baby backpack to the playground. Of course, he still wasn't mobile enough to do anything about getting plunked onto an empty see-saw.

May: Which was hilarious.

G2 never ate as well as his sister, which is to say, he's pickier. But eating slightly less well doesn't mean he ate less. It's just that instead of eating a plate of peas or bowl of broccoli like LG, he'd eat two bananas and half a pint of blueberries.

June: Completion of any meal is signaled by the customary Plate-Atop-Head motion.

 G2 has more patience and focus for a lot of different activities. He's always tried to figure things out, and he'd typically stick with a project longer than his sister. Except for painting. In this, his M.O. is get in, make a big mess, and get out as quickly as possible.

July: This paint has a piquant flavor, reminiscent of a goldfish cracker past its sell-by date.

Toddler feet are funny things. They're so chubby and round, and they do not fit into shoes. For G2, this was not so much a problem as his fat feet were made of steel. He'd seriously walk on anything barefoot sooner than let us mush him into some sandals or sneakers.

August: Just look at them! How is he even upright?

Unspoken rule: If it's transparent and at face height, G2 is going to press his face against it. It is never not funny (to me). It freaks Hollie out a bit, especially when he did it to a turtle tank at the museum.

September: "I see you!" "We see you, too. Now move so Grandma can windex the French doors."

I covered Halloween pretty extensively last year, but suffice to say that G2 had a good time. Turns out, the kid likes dressing up. Like, a lot. What I can't remember is whether this was a thing before Halloween. Did we kickstart this trend with this ridiculous monkey/dog thing?

October: Don't know. Don't care. Don't mind being an accessory.

As I was saying, he makes extensive use of the dress-up bin, which is well-stocked thanks to four years of his sister's Halloween costumes, courtesy of Grandma.

November: They're both green and owned by Disney. Ain't nothing wrong with this mashup.
Seriously, just Google Kermit Hulk. 

This is a pretty standard move. I wish I could tell you there's a reason for it, but the kid just likes to hang upside down.

December: Though in this particular instance, it was because he refused to pose.

Here's the funny thing. We had a lot of snow days this year, but we didn't really have much snow, at least not good enough to play in. And for me, that's fine, because despite all the time he spent in the snow before he could walk, he's not really into it. Maybe it's the suit; maybe it's the boots; maybe it's the fact that he simply refuses to keep gloves on, but G2 is just not wild about the snow.

January: But if I'm ever going to take the kids skiing, he's going to need to get over it.

A further word on dress-up. G2 is as likely to emerge from his room in a diaper and hard hat as he is to be wearing actual clothes. As such things go, I'm mostly pleased when he's chosen to be something other than naked. So this outfit? This is aces.

February: Seriously. He chose this.

Which brings us back to Do. Time marches on, and this guy right here is two-years-old. 

March: And he's also pretending to be a walrus. I guess I should be grateful the straw isn't up his nose.

 BONUS: Because it isn't a birthday post if there isn't cake.

Two seconds later, his sister blew out those candles.