Tap Dancing and Horrible Dreams

A conversation with LG following a particularly vigorous tap dance.

LG: Does this look like tap dancing?

Me: Yeah, it looks pretty good. It looks like what I remember my pretend tap dancing looking like when I was your age.

LG: Did you take tap dancing lessons?

Me: I did not.

LG: Why not?

Me: I guess I figured that my pretend dancing looked pretty good. Why did I need the real thing?

LG: Can I take tap dancing lessons?

Me: We'll look into it.

LG: Good. Because if I don't take lessons, I'll never achieve my dream.

Me: Your dream?

LG: Of being a tap dancing rock star!

Me: Well, that's... umm...

LG: What?

Me: I was going to say "untapped market," but I didn't think you'd get the pun.

LG: I don't know what a pun is, but that's pretty funny.

A brief conversation with G2 upon waking him from his nap.

Me: Time to wake up!

G2: I had a good dream. And there was a squid, and it was (makes horrible snorting sound).

Me: Ummm.... that seems like an odd sound for a squid to make.

G2: It was snoring! And there was a bear, and it was (horrible snorting sound)! And there was a mouse, and it was (horrible snorting sound)! And there was a lion, and it was (horrible snorting sound)!

Me: So a squid and a bear and a mouse and a lion were all snoring, and this was a good dream?

G2: Yes. (long pause, then a harsh whisper) And the squid had a face.

Me: One of these days we're going to have to explain the difference between dreams and nightmares.

The Pope: A Conversation with My Daughter

Presented without commentary, just know that it made me laugh.

LG: Why does mom need to work late tonight?
Me: Because a lot of people are in town to see Pope Francis, and they might want to come to the museum.
LG: Why do people want to see Pope Francis?
Me: He's the leader of the Catholic Church, and a lot of folks think that's pretty important.
LG: I want to go see Pope Francis.
Me: We're not members of the Catholic Church, so although it's neat that he's here, it's not really important to us, at least not as important as it is to Catholics.
LG: Did he bring his kids?
Me: Who? The Pope?
LG: Yeah. Did he bring his kids?
Me: He doesn't have any kids. He doesn't have a wife or partner.
LG: He doesn't have a wife? Why not?
Me: He's not allowed. He's a priest.
LG: What's a priest?
Me: It's like a teacher in the church.
LG: Teachers can get married. My teacher is MRS. MacAdams. She's MRS., and that means she's married.
Me: Yes, it does, and teachers are allowed to get married. Most people can get married if they want to, but the Catholic Church says that priests can't get married. Nuns can't either.
LG: What's a nun?
Me: A woman who has devoted her life to the Church.

....(long pause)....

LG: But what if a Pope and nun love each other very much?

Year 5 in Review: The Pictures

Well, it's here. Last year at this time I was lamenting that in just one year, we'd have a kindergartener on our hands. And as of four days ago, we do. Also like last year, in looking back at the previous 12 months, there's not so much physical change evident as mental change. LG can actually play games now, and wants to. All. The. Time. She's still not super at video games, but she's getting there. 

As reminder, each of these photos was taken within a few days of the 12th of each month.

So let's take a step back to before she was wiping the floor with me in Wii boxing. Here's where we left off. 

September 2014

LG's pretty good at receiving gifts and getting better. She's just super enthusiastic about opening things. Now we just need to work on saying "Thanks!" a little more often.

October 2014

The changes are subtle, but it's great how she's just better at certain kinds of things. You forget that drawing, coloring, and creating are learned skills, and when you practice them often enough, you improve. So yeah, she's just painting a pumpkin here, but she went in with an idea and executed it. I think it was a witch. Yeah, let's go with witch.

November 2014

My kid is not a cool kid, but sometimes, you start to think she might be. Sunglasses help.

December 2014

I will be super sad when this hat no longer fits her. I'm pretty sure G2 took to wearing it by the end of winter last year, but that's because he's totally at the point where he just wants stuff because she has it. It's still her hat, unless we find that it's too small when we get it out of storage this winter. That will be a sad day.

January 2015

I'm sorry, did I say sunglasses make you look cool? I was mistaken.

It's pink butterfly umbrellas that make you look cool.

February 2015

And butterfly wings.

March 2015

It's like every day is a different costume. One of her favorite things over the past few months has been draping a very large silk scarf around her in various ways and pretending to be something new. For some reason, she decided a toga-like orientation was perfect for dancing to "Walk like and Egyptian." It doesn't really make and sense, but it's adorable.

April 2015

LG begged, BEGGED for a scooter for months. She's had a bike for more than a year, and while she's still not great at it, she took to the scooter immediately. You could argue that it's easier to balance a scooter, but mostly, I'm just impressed at the speed she builds up on that thing.

May 2015

As you'll see in the next picture, getting a good smile from Millie when she knows the camera is pointed in her direction is hard. Better then to take as many candids as you can manage, because then and only then will you get a smile and not some weird facial contortion.

June 2015

If this year can be defined by anything, it's theater. We took her to see Annie in December, Lion King in June, and Shrek the Musical in August. She took two different sets of musical theater classes in Philly. It was adorable. I still don't want to be a stage parent, but I totally get the impulse. She's an enthusiastic performer and an engaged audience member. You can't go wrong with that.

July 2015

Our second family camping trip proved two things. First, we need to camp more (but when the weather isn't quite so hot). Second, kids do not care how gross the lake is, they're going to get in there anyway.

August 2015

I won't say The Boxtrolls was her favorite movie this year, but she did watch it four times in the space of a week. And after I cut holes in this box, she wouldn't let me throw it away.

September 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015

At the beach this year, it became apparent that she is too tall for the crop size I've allowed myself for this collage. So in order to illustrate the true change over the past year, I'm going to share this:

If she wasn't in the ocean in water up to her neck, she was on the sand trying to get someone to take a picture of her jumping. It's better than peace signs and duck-face selfies.

And as it turns out, she's totally tall enough for nearly all the important rides at the boardwalk now, which means two things: I get to go on much more fun rides, and I spend a lot more money on tickets. It's cool though, because it means that someone who hasn't taken a regular nap since March of 2013 passes out in the middle of the day.

Vacation-induced naps, September 2013, 2014, 2015

She can be a handful, but she's a delightful, energetic, thoroughly intelligent and adorable handful. Just look at that smile!

September 2015

G2 Year in Review II: The Pictures

It's true that time seems to speed up as you get older. I swear to you, it does not seem like a year has passed since I wrote this. On the whole, it was a good year, though it does seem like G2 was sick slightly more often. Daycare, an older sister and a pre-disposition toward asthma will do that to a person. Honestly, I'm congested something like nine months out of the year, so the odds were never in his favor.

But, in the past year, he learned to walk, then run, then bounce off every conceivable hard surface (and that was just in the first month and a half). He went from talking very little to talking a lot to singing passionate renditions of "Let It Go," "Tomorrow,"and "Uptown Funk." You've not lived until you've witnessed a 4-year-old and 2-year-old engage in spirited call and response using "Uptown, funk you up, uptown funk you up!" (Seriously though, it's also never been harder to capture this nonsense on video. I write this down now hoping my aged brain will be able to conjure up the memory when I'm old and gray.)

Enough jibba jabba. Without further ado, here's G2's second year in pictures.

Reminder: each of these pictures was taken on or around the 29th of the month.

Here's where we left off. Covered in cake and splotches. Today, he got significantly more cake in his mouth, and he's a lot less splotchy.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you from the sound of the sugar roaring through my veins.

These first couple pictures are not indicative of the sheer amount of smiling this kid does. He really only has two or three modes: eating, smiling and getting into trouble.

April: He used to be super fond of popping out of this window.

As he started to walk regularly (around 13 and a half months), we didn't always have to bring the stroller or the baby backpack to the playground. Of course, he still wasn't mobile enough to do anything about getting plunked onto an empty see-saw.

May: Which was hilarious.

G2 never ate as well as his sister, which is to say, he's pickier. But eating slightly less well doesn't mean he ate less. It's just that instead of eating a plate of peas or bowl of broccoli like LG, he'd eat two bananas and half a pint of blueberries.

June: Completion of any meal is signaled by the customary Plate-Atop-Head motion.

 G2 has more patience and focus for a lot of different activities. He's always tried to figure things out, and he'd typically stick with a project longer than his sister. Except for painting. In this, his M.O. is get in, make a big mess, and get out as quickly as possible.

July: This paint has a piquant flavor, reminiscent of a goldfish cracker past its sell-by date.

Toddler feet are funny things. They're so chubby and round, and they do not fit into shoes. For G2, this was not so much a problem as his fat feet were made of steel. He'd seriously walk on anything barefoot sooner than let us mush him into some sandals or sneakers.

August: Just look at them! How is he even upright?

Unspoken rule: If it's transparent and at face height, G2 is going to press his face against it. It is never not funny (to me). It freaks Hollie out a bit, especially when he did it to a turtle tank at the museum.

September: "I see you!" "We see you, too. Now move so Grandma can windex the French doors."

I covered Halloween pretty extensively last year, but suffice to say that G2 had a good time. Turns out, the kid likes dressing up. Like, a lot. What I can't remember is whether this was a thing before Halloween. Did we kickstart this trend with this ridiculous monkey/dog thing?

October: Don't know. Don't care. Don't mind being an accessory.

As I was saying, he makes extensive use of the dress-up bin, which is well-stocked thanks to four years of his sister's Halloween costumes, courtesy of Grandma.

November: They're both green and owned by Disney. Ain't nothing wrong with this mashup.
Seriously, just Google Kermit Hulk. 

This is a pretty standard move. I wish I could tell you there's a reason for it, but the kid just likes to hang upside down.

December: Though in this particular instance, it was because he refused to pose.

Here's the funny thing. We had a lot of snow days this year, but we didn't really have much snow, at least not good enough to play in. And for me, that's fine, because despite all the time he spent in the snow before he could walk, he's not really into it. Maybe it's the suit; maybe it's the boots; maybe it's the fact that he simply refuses to keep gloves on, but G2 is just not wild about the snow.

January: But if I'm ever going to take the kids skiing, he's going to need to get over it.

A further word on dress-up. G2 is as likely to emerge from his room in a diaper and hard hat as he is to be wearing actual clothes. As such things go, I'm mostly pleased when he's chosen to be something other than naked. So this outfit? This is aces.

February: Seriously. He chose this.

Which brings us back to Do. Time marches on, and this guy right here is two-years-old. 

March: And he's also pretending to be a walrus. I guess I should be grateful the straw isn't up his nose.

 BONUS: Because it isn't a birthday post if there isn't cake.

Two seconds later, his sister blew out those candles.

Finally, that Christmas 2013 post... in 2014

It was recently brought to my attention that not only did I wait to write the Christmas 2013 post until February 2014, I promised a Part 2 that never came. Well, it's Christmas Eve 2014 (on the day I start writing this), so let's not hold our breath, shall we?

Still, I do feel a little bad about that, so a quick recap of last year.

Starting last year, we changed things up a bit in order to spend Christmas morning at our own house instead of traveling. Thus, my parents'/grandparents' Christmas Eve/Morning celebrations were moved up a couple of days, and we traveled the weekend before the holiday. This had the added benefit of allowing the kids to see Santa the way I used to: in a tiny cabin on my hometown's square.

It was unseasonably warm.

Note the lack of a line to see Santa. I swear this is a popular thing, but last year, we were the only people visiting at that moment.

So here's how it went down. LG was just fine with the big guy in the red suit, despite the fact that the year before, we had to bribe her with a cookie.

Though she may have realized she was getting potato chips when it was all over.

G2, on the other hand... better to let the pictures tell the story.

These two shots were snapped within a half-second of one another.

This was probably the height of G2's stranger danger phase. He was scared of strangers for about one week in December, and it happened to fall over Christmas. Frankly, I don't think it could've gone better. These days, he's as likely as not to walk up to someone he's never met and demand to be picked up.

The rest of G2's Christmas Eve can best be summed up as follows:

He never met a present he didn't like... to eat.

As for Christmas morning, to reiterate, this was the first holiday we spent waking up in our own home as a family. This meant we could start our own traditions. For instance, we left cookies for Santa, but we also made "sparkle bread" for the big guy's reindeer. This is important, as it helps the reindeer fly.

So for all the rest of you NOT leaving sparkle bread for the reindeer, you're welcome.

We also decided that Santa wraps his gifts in fabric, which we mail back to the North Pole so he can use it again the following year. Santa delivers a lot of presents, so he's doing his part to save the planet by recycling.

Santa also leaves dinosaurs. Rawr.

All in all, 2013 was a great Christmas. If you're all very good, maybe Santa will bring a Christmas 2014 post some time before Christmas 2015.

Incidentally, this was the best picture we could get of the two of them together.
Their cooperation hasn't gotten better in that last 12 months.

Halloween 2014: R.I.P. Sack Costumes

No surprise here, but I jinxed myself last year when I declared that sack costumes were the way to go. LG decided on her costume shortly after Halloween 2013, and it's been full speed ahead every since. She even picked out her brother's costume. Though the sacks may have disappeared, I'm pleased that she thinks coordinated costumes are de rigueur.

Having said that, it's practically a done deal that she'll want to do her own thing next year. It's only fair, I suppose, since G2 will start having costume opinions of his own by that time. (And it's not like we should continue to encourage the notion of sibling-as-accessory.)

Anyway. I know why you're really here. Sloppy Photoshop time!

We'd Like to Thank You, Adobe Creative Suite

The sun might come out tomorrow, but her smile won't if you're asking for it.

Spoiler: The dog steals the show.

You may accuse me of going over the top. You would not be wrong. Also, you haven't seen anything yet.

BOOM.

LG has been enamored of Annie for a while now. More than anything, she likes "It's the Hard-Knock Life," largely because it's sung by a group of little girls. So, some time ago, she told us she wanted to be an orphan for Halloween. Then she asked what an orphan is. Some mild psychological trauma ensued, followed by her supposition that the Hard-Knock Life Kids (as she calls them) seemed to have a pretty good time. Honestly, I think she doesn't give the orphan angle much thought. She sees little kids singing and dancing, and since that's basically how she lives life day-to-day, her decision to be Annie was made up pretty quickly. And then a minute or so later, she decided G2 needed to be Sandy the Dog.

Something Was Missing (it's my beard)

Once G2 was in on the game, it wasn't long before LG realized that Daddy Warbucks and I share the same haircut. And as it happens, I have an old tuxedo in my closet. Although LG mentioned numerous times that I should dress up; it still surprised the heck out of her a few days ago when she awoke to find that "Daddy growed his beard right off his face!" She, at least, was nonplussed. G2, on the other hand, wouldn't look at me for the better part of that day, and spent the ride to daycare that morning relatively quiet, shattering the silence with periodic shouts of "NO BEARD!"

You're Never Fully Dressed (until your mother is also wearing a costume)

Once I walked out of the bathroom with a completely shorn face, Hollie realized she wasn't going to get away without a costume, either. A quick trip to the thrift store, and BAM!

...until it shines like the top of the Chrysler building!

Easy Street (is where all the candy is)

While both kids technically went Trick-or-Treating last year, G2 stayed in the wagon pretty much the whole time (being 7 months old, he wasn't exactly mobile). This year, he figured things out very quickly.

Yo, sis! I think dis house is givin' out full-size candy bars.

With a little prompting, he even got the lingo down.

We weren't sure how it was going to go, especially since earlier in the day the costume parade at his school ended in a cascade meltdown of every child in his class. Admittedly when you march the kids out like a chain gang, I don't know what other result you could expect.

"Whaddya in for, Mick?"
"Me and Yoda knocked over a Piggly Wiggly in Yazoo."

The fact that he even let us put him back in the costume after that was nothing short of a miracle.

In case you've though to yourself, "There's something off about that dog costume," rest assured you are not crazy.
It's a monkey costume onto which I stitched long ears.

I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here (because of all the candy)
All in all, it was a very successful Halloween. But you don't have to take my word for it.

Butts and Boobies, or How I Learned to Love Toddler-ese

G2's vocabulary has exploded in recent weeks. Our vacation in early September coincided with rapid development on his part, and he just started picking up words left and right. Three days at the beach, and he very clearly knew how and when to deploy "sea shell," "sea gull," and "shore." Since then, it's been one word right after another.

This isn't dissimilar to the way LG developed, either, with big developmental leaps forward. The crucial difference, however, is that G2 is a lazy talker. If he can distill a longer word into a shorter form that he knows you understand, he won't make the effort to say the whole thing.

As you might expect, this is hilarious. Yesterday after breakfast, he was running around shouting "boobies! boobies!" Once I recalibrated my Babel fish for toddler-speak, I realized he was telling me about the BLUEBERRIES he had for breakfast. Later, he handed me a small Minion toy, pointed to the front and said, "Butt." I started to correct him with "belly," when I realized he wanted me to push a BUTTON located on the figure's stomach.

I'd love to better understand how these short word forms develop. One of his very first words was banana, but these days he can hardly be bother to muster much more than "bann," "bana," or "nana." Clementine is another fun one. Most often it comes out "cline-tine," which is, admittedly, closer to the real thing than "boobies" is to blueberries. Meanwhile, he has no problem saying "cupcake."

Before he regularly said "Dada," G2 briefly and inexplicably referred to me as "Nya-Nya." LG loved this, though I was somewhat less than enthusiastic. He refers to his sister as "Mimi," which is the best kind of endearing.

Anyone who knows Hollie well knows that there is no shortage of Peanuts memorabilia around the house, especially at holidays. We decorated for Halloween over the weekend, and re-introduced G2 to an animatronic Snoopy mummy. While I certainly get tired of him pushing the "butt" to activate the toy for the 37th time, I very much enjoy his repeated, failed attempts at saying Snoopy. So far, we have "Poofny," "Foofny," and "Poopsny," which is somehow the closest he's gotten.

LG had similar trouble with the word "pretzel." For a long time, she only called them "pencils." That was amazing and confusing, and I loved it. Then it became "prentzel" and it weirdly remains so, despite the fact that this child regular uses "simultaneous" and "similar" in regular conversation. Today, she told me the difference between her right and left hand, and noted that "right" means two things. "Right means this side of my body, and it also means you did something the way you're supposed to. You can do something right." She understands homophones, but pretzel still eludes her. 

Never change, LG. Never change.

They are pretty cute.