Solving for G: The Geeklet Has Landed

Around 2 pm on Wednesday, Hollie and I brought our daughter home from the hospital. It was a little odd. There's just such a big gap between the concept of a life growing within Hollie and the life we carried into the house. We haven't had much time to contemplate the difference, as most of our time has been spent learning how to keep her happy.

As much as you might think (as I did) that you're ready for parenthood, some things just don't click right away. I've got some of the concrete things down. I can change a diaper like a champ, for one. I'm pretty good at calming her down when she's cranky (how long she'll stay calmed down is something else entirely). And holding her was a completely natural act from the minute the nurse handed her to me.

But some of the abstract things are tougher. I know she's my daughter; intellectually, I understand that. But trying to rationalize the fact that I'm 50% percent in charge of a person that didn't really exist in the real world until a week ago is harder to grasp. I'm a little afraid I might wake up one morning to find that it's all been some hyper realistic dream, and I'm really just the same guy I was last week, not really responsible for anything or anyone but myself.

Another thing Hollie and I are having trouble with is her name.

(An important digression: Chances are that you already know her name, but I'd like to state for the record that I don't plan on using her name here on the blog. I'm not a huge privacy nut, but there's something about tossing around the name of someone who doesn't know it's happening that doesn't sit quite right with me. I asked Hollie's permission before I used her name in the blog, and if this project lasts that long, I'll ask my daughter's permission to use hers. That said, I did share it on Facebook, but I have my privacy settings configured so that only people on my friends list can see that info. Suffice to say, on the blog, she's Little G for now. I ask that if you want to refer to her in the comments that you do the same. Thanks!)

But back to that name. Hollie and I decided on a first name a few months ago, but we never used it when referring to the baby. Whether it was the off chance that she might turn out to be a boy, or just that the whole thing didn't seem real yet, we usually just referred to her as "the baby" or "the kid." I was thrilled when we could announce her name to the world. People responded really well to it, and I think it's beautiful. But when I look at her, I don't see her name. I see "baby." Hollie has said the same thing. Maybe it's because we've only lived with the name for a week. Maybe it's because it's rare to actually say someone's name when you live with them. (Seriously. Hollie and I so rarely use each others' names when we're home talking to one another, it always sounds a little odd when we do.) I do think it's changing, though. When I think about her, the image I conjure is starting merge with her name, rather than sit in two separate compartments in my brain. When it's 3am, and she's been awake for six hours, I try to use her name to quiet her down. It's just something you have to live with for a while, I suppose. I have only been a father for seven days now.

But hey, enough of my yakking. Let's boogie. This is a baby blog, after all, so lets look at the baby!

Hollie and Little G, home from the hospital and exhausted. Can't say I blame them.

It's not the best picture, but my daughter has crazy monkey feet. She can, and has, grabbed things with those toes. Freaked Hollie right out when something grabbed her finger, but Little G's hands were in plain sight and empty.