Confessions of a 3-Year-Old Genius (Self-Proclaimed)

Two half days, three full days, two stories of G2 interacting with his teachers.

I went to Back-to-School night for G2's new preschool, and after all the other parents left, I had a few minutes to talk with his teacher. First words out of her mouth, "I gotta tell ya, your son has made my personal Facebook wall more than any other kid so far." After assuring me she never mentions his name, she related these stories.

Sitting next to his teacher at lunch, G2 turns to her and says:

You know, sometimes, people stand next to people who are sitting. And the people who are standing look taller than the people who are sitting down. But the people who are sitting are taller, but you don't know that because they're sitting down.

I added the emphasis there, but based on his teacher's retelling, he sounded like he was pulling the lid off the greatest conspiracy of our time.

During play-doh time, they have the following exchange:

G2: Some people say 'wooder' and some people say 'WAH-ter.' Mom and Dad say 'WAH-ter,' and tell me I should say 'WAH-ter,' but I'm going to say 'wooder.'
Teacher: I used to say 'wooder' when I was little, but then I got older and I decided I should say 'WAH-ter' instead.
G2: Yeah. I'm just going to keep saying 'wooder.'
Teacher: You're a pretty smart kid.
G2: Yes, I'm good at finding things. I'm good at building things. ... I'm a genius.

My son: Thinker of great thoughts, finder of things, genius.

LG Episode VI: Return of the Blog

Around LG's 4th birthday, it occurred to me that these 12-month retrospectives would get a little boring. After all, once she hit four years old, she wasn't going to look appreciably different over the space of 12 months. And it's true, she's not massively taller or older looking at six than she was at five. That being said, she did so many different things this year, had so many first experiences that letting go of this tradition now would be a shame.

September 2015: Monster cupcakes, I think. Our cake design skills are haphazard at best.

Fall 2015 was all about monsters. Halloween 2015 was a riff on Young Frankenstein (he said as if he actually planned it that way). At the moment, her brother is king of the monsters (self-proclaimed), but that's probably a reaction to LG's monsterrific influence.

October 2015: Detail-oriented pumpkin painting

Year five could be a lot of things, the Year of Theatre, the Year of Reading, the Year of School (I'm getting ahead of myself). But one thing it most definitely was? The Year of Keeping Hair Out of Her Face. This is an ongoing challenge, coupled as it is with Not Getting Paint in Her Hair, or Not Getting Food in Her Hair, or Not Getting Her Hair in Her Mouth.

November 2015: Tall enough to do things now

Kids are often concerned with being "big" enough. We were at Dorney Park several weeks ago, and LG's 47-inch stature is just a smidge too short to get on a lot of great rollercoasters, much to her irritation. That said, all through the year she measured her height against what she could easily grasp and climb at the various playgrounds we frequent. As the year went on, she went from being able to jump and grab hold of bars and rings, to trucking across a set of monkey bars with ease.

December 2015: Suddenly, she's 10 years old (and wearing cat ears for some reason)

Putting aside for a moment that we searched for a Christmas tree in 80-degree weather (climate change is real, ya'll), let's take in this photo for a minute. Where did my chipmunk-cheeked daughter go? Where did that graceful neck come from? I don't lament the steadfast forward march of time, but there are moments when I'd like to hit the pause button for a few days.

January 2016: Games, we play games, we play an absurd number of games

As I noted last year, the games obsession continues. We made it our mission over the summer to get her more into video games, with some success. Greater strides were made in the realm of table-top gaming. We live in a great time for table-top games for all ages, and our house is reaping the benefits. Hey, That's My Fish!, featured here, is easy to play, even if the strategy is a little bit harder to grasp. Lately, we've enjoyed Too Many Monkeys!, Draw 4: Dig for Dinos, and Ratatat-Cat.

February 2016: "It's Valentine's Day! I need a fun headband!"

Kudos to Hollie for throwing this headband together on the morning of Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, our collective craftiness has perhaps set unrealistic expectations for how quickly we can throw together a creative outfit. But every once in a while, expectations meet reality in a way that actually works out.

March 2016: Yes, this is the only face that adequately shows off her missing tooth.

Since she started school in September of last year, she's been letting us know every time a member of her class loses a tooth. I suspect part of the anticipation she experienced had less to do with the hole in her smile, and more to do with the tooth fairy about which she'd heard so much. For the record, the tooth fairy did visit, replacing her carefully illustrated envelope with a dollar coin meticulously wrapped in a dollar bill folded into a heart. At least, I hear that's what the tooth fairy did, because she had already unwrapped the money and was reveling in her newfound wealth when we got her out of bed that morning.

April 2016: Warm December, cold April. We'll just flip the seasons from here on out.

After a year or two of begging, we signed LG up for soccer this Spring. It was... fine? Honestly, between unreliable coaches and weather that kept canceling games, it was a rough first crack at the beautiful game. But she did score a goal! And that officially ties my record for number of goals scored in a soccer career.

May 2016: An important first.

The photo above represents a significant achievement, for it is the first time LG didn't grab the picture hole with both hands and shove her head through it. She almost looks natural.

June 2016: Hula day? Tropical Day? Who knows day.

We're the family that pays attention to special days on the school calendar. That means we're one of two families who regularly send their kid to school dressed up like something goofy. And LG couldn't be happier.

July 2016: Two important milestones

"Hey, Hollie, let's play that Pokemon GO I'd heard so much about. Seems like fun." And thus we never stopped chasing the dragon (whose name is Charizard, or Dragonite, and we don't have either of them). The picture on the left was taken on our very first family Pokehunt. How significant is this? Check out the picture at the bottom of this post.

Arguably more important, July marked LG's completion of her 30th chapter book. Seriously, chapter books in Kindergarten. I can't speak to how common this is, but on a scale from 1 to 10, LG's reading ability at the end of the school year was easily an 11. She continues to amaze.

August 2016: A star is born. Or maybe a ham. Yeah, it's a ham.

LG went to theatre camp this summer, and it's fair to say she loved it. Honestly, it's a program which is entirely premised on the idea that she stands in front of a large group of people who are forced to watch her sing and dance. This is literally her reason for being. I don't know if she'll stick with it, and it doesn't matter to me if she does, but the joy with which she belts out the lyrics to the lead characters' songs (rather than the ensemble of which she was a part), tells me we might be at this for a while.

September 2016: I mean, right?

So that brings us to the day before her 6th birthday, rocking a custom Charmander dress, wearing five rubber band bracelets/anklets/chokers she made herself, striking a pose in a mister at the Philadelphia Zoo. If that doesn't sum up the glory of her sixth year, I don't know what does.

G2 Year in Review III: Turtles in Time (Which was the most obscure threequel I could think of)

It's bad enough that I neglect this blog like I do (go on, check how many times I posted in 2015. Five times.). But for those posts I absolutely should do, like a celebration of my son's third birthday, you'd think I'd be a bit more on top of things. Alas, no. And it's late into the evening on March 28, and I'm just getting started on G2's birthday post. If you're reading this in the future, G2, do not take it as a sign of your status as the second child. Instead, take solace in the fact that it was the acknowledgement of your birth that ended a 5-month hiatus of this very blog.

Apologies and mea culpas out of the way, let's talk about G2. It's hard to define exactly what's changed in the last year. Objectively, his twos were a bit more terrible than his sister's, but then, she didn't have an older sibling antagonizing her half the time. And hard as it may be to contemplate, he dances, sings and soaks up every bit of stimuli with greater ease than she did, again because he has her influence in his life. So if his life is defined and shaped so much by his older sister, is he his own person or a reflection of her? Evidenced by their playtime, shared storytelling, and disagreements, he is both of those things. He has never not had a sister. LG may have had a brother for just over half of her life, but the person she's become is now inextricably linked with the other person she influences daily. It would be profound if it weren't so commonplace. (This is the part that will probably make me cry when I read it in 10 years. You're welcome, future me! How are the 2020s? Have they rebooted the Superman films again, yet? I don't know if you remember, 46-year-old Matt, but Zach Snyder sucks.)

Ugh. Sorry for the digression. Onto happier things! Here's G2 last year in pictures.

Reminder: each of these pictures was taken on or around the 29th of the month.

Here's where we left off.

I am the Walrus. Goo goo g'joob. Beatles reference.

 Maybe this year was the Year of Shouting to Take Things Out of His Mouth. I swear he didn't do shove as many things in there when he was a baby. But now it's straws, fingers, sides of shopping carts, etc. If it grosses Hollie out, it's going in his mouth.

April: Out of my way; Happy Feet 2 isn't going to watch itself.

Or maybe it's the Year of the Haircut. He got his first one a month after his second birthday, and I'm pretty sure he's had more haircuts in 12 months as LG has had in her entire life. And it's not because we like the clean-cut look. Nope, this kid is just too sweaty to have more than two inches of hair on his head if the outdoor temperature is over 50 degrees. 

May: I was told there would be a lake. This appears to be a swampy inlet.

 I guess you could say I was an outdoorsy kid. I was in the Boy Scouts, so I was certainly outside a lot. We're trying hard to make outdoorsy kids, if allergies and the sunburn and the asthma don't get us first.

June: Just prior to haircut #2, by the look of it.

Which leads us to the summer conundrum: Put a hat on his head, and he'll sweat double. Don't put a hat on his head, and he'll burn like the pale son of an Irishman that he is.

July: Dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig, mine the whole day through.

Short story: We went to the Crayola Factory, which is super far away. It was so far away, that it almost feels wasteful to travel so far just for that. Lucky for us, on our way there we saw signs for a hot air balloon festival, farm show and carnival. Hitting that on our way back from Easton really made the trip extra worthwhile. The crayons were nice and all, but it's got nothing on three dozen hot air balloons, tons of horses, rides and fair food. And also this sand pit for some reason.

August: Out for a ride on my hog. I call her Fiona. It's not sexist because she's a motorcycle.

It was definitely the Summer of Rides. Trips to Dutch Wonderland, Ocean City, and Six Flags were nicely complemented by carnivals featuring unlicensed airbrushing.

September: Seriously, you guys. Camping is the best. I'm having so much fun now.

People came from all over the world to see the Pope when he visited Philly. We, on the other hand, drove deep into the wilds of New Jersey to go camping. Sure, we lacked electricity and running water, but so did the two million people packing the Ben Franklin Parkway to see Francis standing at the top of the Art Museum steps. And we didn't even have to risk being trampled by Catholics.

October: So my pumpkin looks like it was designed by a serial killer. I'm not worried... much.

We let G2 design his own pumpkin this Halloween. It went... I guess you could say well, inasmuch as it was a thing that happened and we followed through. There's a face there if you look hard enough.

November: It's snowing inside! I swear, it is.

We hit the Dickens Christmas Village and Comcast Holiday Spectacular a little early this year. He's following his sister's lead in getting way too excited over the bubble snow. Thankfully, we managed to get them both to agree to NOT try to catch it in their mouths.

December: These are Toobers and Zots. Toobers and Zots are fun.
Especially when your sister designs a superhero costume for you.

This was true last year as well, but we live in a state of constant dress up in this house. I've lost track of how many bins have costume parts in them, largely because there's so much dress-up stuff, it's spilling out everywhere. And on the topic of construction, G2 has gotten way more into LEGO than LG, yet again providing evidence for a gender bias I've been struggling against since we had kids.

January: Yes, January, and they were perfectly fine in light jackets or long sleeves.
Climate change is real, people.

Sometimes our house is like the Itchy and Scratchy show theme song. "They fight and bite. They bite and fight and bite. Bite bite bite. Fight fight fight! The LG and G2 shoooooooow!" But most of the time, they're like that song from the Saved By the Bell Zack Attack episode. "Friends forever, with you everywhere. Friends forever, always will be friends! (Talkin' 'bout friends.)" What I'm saying is, I apply ridiculous pop culture analogies to any cute picture of my kids.

February: Every night. "Can I help you make dinner, Daddy?" It's so cute it drives me insane.

I've encouraged this, so it's no surprise that G2 wants to help in the kitchen. Yeah, maybe he likes it for the same reason young kids like doing certain household chores (like vacuuming; he loves vacuuming.); it gives them a sense doing something grown up. Now I happen to love cooking (less so, vacuuming), so I hope I make that process fun. Also, I hope it gives him some basis for learning to make food on his own. Someday, I look forward to napping on the couch while he makes dinner for me.

March: Happy Birthday to this little dude, who will not stop talking about sharks,
all of which are good and do not eat other animals.

He's funny; he's three years old; and I can't get enough of him.

BONUS: When I asked him before bed tonight what his favorite part of his birthday was, he responded, "Picking the candies off of my cake." And lo, Hollie had taken pictures of just that.

Year 5 in Review: The Pictures

Well, it's here. Last year at this time I was lamenting that in just one year, we'd have a kindergartener on our hands. And as of four days ago, we do. Also like last year, in looking back at the previous 12 months, there's not so much physical change evident as mental change. LG can actually play games now, and wants to. All. The. Time. She's still not super at video games, but she's getting there. 

As reminder, each of these photos was taken within a few days of the 12th of each month.

So let's take a step back to before she was wiping the floor with me in Wii boxing. Here's where we left off. 

September 2014

LG's pretty good at receiving gifts and getting better. She's just super enthusiastic about opening things. Now we just need to work on saying "Thanks!" a little more often.

October 2014

The changes are subtle, but it's great how she's just better at certain kinds of things. You forget that drawing, coloring, and creating are learned skills, and when you practice them often enough, you improve. So yeah, she's just painting a pumpkin here, but she went in with an idea and executed it. I think it was a witch. Yeah, let's go with witch.

November 2014

My kid is not a cool kid, but sometimes, you start to think she might be. Sunglasses help.

December 2014

I will be super sad when this hat no longer fits her. I'm pretty sure G2 took to wearing it by the end of winter last year, but that's because he's totally at the point where he just wants stuff because she has it. It's still her hat, unless we find that it's too small when we get it out of storage this winter. That will be a sad day.

January 2015

I'm sorry, did I say sunglasses make you look cool? I was mistaken.

It's pink butterfly umbrellas that make you look cool.

February 2015

And butterfly wings.

March 2015

It's like every day is a different costume. One of her favorite things over the past few months has been draping a very large silk scarf around her in various ways and pretending to be something new. For some reason, she decided a toga-like orientation was perfect for dancing to "Walk like and Egyptian." It doesn't really make and sense, but it's adorable.

April 2015

LG begged, BEGGED for a scooter for months. She's had a bike for more than a year, and while she's still not great at it, she took to the scooter immediately. You could argue that it's easier to balance a scooter, but mostly, I'm just impressed at the speed she builds up on that thing.

May 2015

As you'll see in the next picture, getting a good smile from Millie when she knows the camera is pointed in her direction is hard. Better then to take as many candids as you can manage, because then and only then will you get a smile and not some weird facial contortion.

June 2015

If this year can be defined by anything, it's theater. We took her to see Annie in December, Lion King in June, and Shrek the Musical in August. She took two different sets of musical theater classes in Philly. It was adorable. I still don't want to be a stage parent, but I totally get the impulse. She's an enthusiastic performer and an engaged audience member. You can't go wrong with that.

July 2015

Our second family camping trip proved two things. First, we need to camp more (but when the weather isn't quite so hot). Second, kids do not care how gross the lake is, they're going to get in there anyway.

August 2015

I won't say The Boxtrolls was her favorite movie this year, but she did watch it four times in the space of a week. And after I cut holes in this box, she wouldn't let me throw it away.

September 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015

At the beach this year, it became apparent that she is too tall for the crop size I've allowed myself for this collage. So in order to illustrate the true change over the past year, I'm going to share this:

If she wasn't in the ocean in water up to her neck, she was on the sand trying to get someone to take a picture of her jumping. It's better than peace signs and duck-face selfies.

And as it turns out, she's totally tall enough for nearly all the important rides at the boardwalk now, which means two things: I get to go on much more fun rides, and I spend a lot more money on tickets. It's cool though, because it means that someone who hasn't taken a regular nap since March of 2013 passes out in the middle of the day.

Vacation-induced naps, September 2013, 2014, 2015

She can be a handful, but she's a delightful, energetic, thoroughly intelligent and adorable handful. Just look at that smile!

September 2015

G2 Year in Review II: The Pictures

It's true that time seems to speed up as you get older. I swear to you, it does not seem like a year has passed since I wrote this. On the whole, it was a good year, though it does seem like G2 was sick slightly more often. Daycare, an older sister and a pre-disposition toward asthma will do that to a person. Honestly, I'm congested something like nine months out of the year, so the odds were never in his favor.

But, in the past year, he learned to walk, then run, then bounce off every conceivable hard surface (and that was just in the first month and a half). He went from talking very little to talking a lot to singing passionate renditions of "Let It Go," "Tomorrow,"and "Uptown Funk." You've not lived until you've witnessed a 4-year-old and 2-year-old engage in spirited call and response using "Uptown, funk you up, uptown funk you up!" (Seriously though, it's also never been harder to capture this nonsense on video. I write this down now hoping my aged brain will be able to conjure up the memory when I'm old and gray.)

Enough jibba jabba. Without further ado, here's G2's second year in pictures.

Reminder: each of these pictures was taken on or around the 29th of the month.

Here's where we left off. Covered in cake and splotches. Today, he got significantly more cake in his mouth, and he's a lot less splotchy.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you from the sound of the sugar roaring through my veins.

These first couple pictures are not indicative of the sheer amount of smiling this kid does. He really only has two or three modes: eating, smiling and getting into trouble.

April: He used to be super fond of popping out of this window.

As he started to walk regularly (around 13 and a half months), we didn't always have to bring the stroller or the baby backpack to the playground. Of course, he still wasn't mobile enough to do anything about getting plunked onto an empty see-saw.

May: Which was hilarious.

G2 never ate as well as his sister, which is to say, he's pickier. But eating slightly less well doesn't mean he ate less. It's just that instead of eating a plate of peas or bowl of broccoli like LG, he'd eat two bananas and half a pint of blueberries.

June: Completion of any meal is signaled by the customary Plate-Atop-Head motion.

 G2 has more patience and focus for a lot of different activities. He's always tried to figure things out, and he'd typically stick with a project longer than his sister. Except for painting. In this, his M.O. is get in, make a big mess, and get out as quickly as possible.

July: This paint has a piquant flavor, reminiscent of a goldfish cracker past its sell-by date.

Toddler feet are funny things. They're so chubby and round, and they do not fit into shoes. For G2, this was not so much a problem as his fat feet were made of steel. He'd seriously walk on anything barefoot sooner than let us mush him into some sandals or sneakers.

August: Just look at them! How is he even upright?

Unspoken rule: If it's transparent and at face height, G2 is going to press his face against it. It is never not funny (to me). It freaks Hollie out a bit, especially when he did it to a turtle tank at the museum.

September: "I see you!" "We see you, too. Now move so Grandma can windex the French doors."

I covered Halloween pretty extensively last year, but suffice to say that G2 had a good time. Turns out, the kid likes dressing up. Like, a lot. What I can't remember is whether this was a thing before Halloween. Did we kickstart this trend with this ridiculous monkey/dog thing?

October: Don't know. Don't care. Don't mind being an accessory.

As I was saying, he makes extensive use of the dress-up bin, which is well-stocked thanks to four years of his sister's Halloween costumes, courtesy of Grandma.

November: They're both green and owned by Disney. Ain't nothing wrong with this mashup.
Seriously, just Google Kermit Hulk. 

This is a pretty standard move. I wish I could tell you there's a reason for it, but the kid just likes to hang upside down.

December: Though in this particular instance, it was because he refused to pose.

Here's the funny thing. We had a lot of snow days this year, but we didn't really have much snow, at least not good enough to play in. And for me, that's fine, because despite all the time he spent in the snow before he could walk, he's not really into it. Maybe it's the suit; maybe it's the boots; maybe it's the fact that he simply refuses to keep gloves on, but G2 is just not wild about the snow.

January: But if I'm ever going to take the kids skiing, he's going to need to get over it.

A further word on dress-up. G2 is as likely to emerge from his room in a diaper and hard hat as he is to be wearing actual clothes. As such things go, I'm mostly pleased when he's chosen to be something other than naked. So this outfit? This is aces.

February: Seriously. He chose this.

Which brings us back to Do. Time marches on, and this guy right here is two-years-old. 

March: And he's also pretending to be a walrus. I guess I should be grateful the straw isn't up his nose.

 BONUS: Because it isn't a birthday post if there isn't cake.

Two seconds later, his sister blew out those candles.