Happy Mother's Day...from Little G's Mother!

Happy Mother's Day!

So, it's my first Mother's Day as a really, real mother, and I'm thinking about what it feels like to be a mother. (Last year was nice in that I knew biologically I was a mother, but I did not have to fight the grapefruit inside me when it was naptime.)

Some women say they felt like a mother when they first found out they were pregnant. I felt great to be sure, but I don't think I felt like a mother. I felt nervous and excited and bit nauseous- but not like a mother.

Some women say they felt like a mother the first time they felt the baby move. It felt cool, but mostly I felt "Was that gas? Am I hungry, again?" and the urge to wiggle around to see if I could make it happen a second time. Still didn't feel like a mother.

Some women say that felt like a mother the first time they saw the baby on the ultrasound. It felt amazing to be able to see a little life growing and moving. Then, she did crazy things like hide behind her hands and throw the goat. It made me laugh, but make me feel like a mother? Not particularly.

A bunch of women say they felt like a mother the first time they saw the baby's face. How did I feel finally seeing this little person that I had been thinking about pretty much non-stop for 38 and half weeks. "Super-stoked" and the admittedly more refined "elated" would definitely make the list. Also on the list: "exhausted," "scared" and "relieved she wasn't an uggo." (I kid, I kid...sort of. Do you think any new mom thinks her kid is not the most beautiful baby in the world? Evolutionarily, it makes sense that despite all outward appearances, every new mom thinks her baby is the Gerber baby. Darwin be damned, Little G was the freakin' cutest newborn ever. For proof, check out the end of the post. INCONTROVERTIBLE PROOF.) But, surprisingly, "like a mother" probably would not.

I've felt like a lot of things over the course of the last 7 and a half months: a 24-hour convenience store, a blanket, a mess, a broken record (of "5 Little Monkeys"), a zombie, a lion tamer, a tissue, a hissing balloon, a carnival ride, a zookeeper, a hammock, a doofus, a jungle gym, a pooper scooper, and a vacuum cleaner. I've also felt lucky, frustrated, amused, tired, amazed, annoyed, and downright happy over the past 7 and half months. And, most of all, I am completely in love with this little baby girl. But do I feel like a mother?

Two weeks ago, Little G gave me my first requested kiss. She was sitting on my lap and giggling as I blew raspberries on her belly ( a favorite pastime). I stood her up on my lap and asked her to give Mommy a kiss. She leaned in and planted a wet kiss right on my cheek and continued to giggle. (Note: a "kiss" at this stage is little different from an attempt to consume my face. An open-mouthed face-to-face smash.) That moment right there was the closest I have come to feeling like a mother. I suppose that as Little G inches closer to becoming a kid instead of an infant, I will inch closer to feeling more like her mom and less like one of her primary caregivers. I think it will speed the process along when the "mamamama" noise she makes all the time really means "mama" and really means me.

Until then, I guess I'll have to just keep loving her and clean the drool off my face from all those kisses.

I mean....seriously, the cutest newborn ever, right?
I love you, Little G. You're the best Mother's Day gift I could ask for.

Though, you're not off the hook, Matt...