Childproofing 2: The Quickening

The most significant childproofing I've ever done was in the service of preventing our dog from eating all the snacks in a kitchen drawer, and that amounted to a handful of drawer locks. After that, putting a couple of outlet plugs in place once LG was mobile was no big deal. And honestly, that was almost unnecessary. I don't think she ever looked twice at an outlet.

But G2... oy. That boy. In the spirit of most proper sequels, this round of childproofing is bigger, wilder, and more expensive. The kid can't even walk on his own and he's gotten into more trouble in three weeks than LG has in more than three years. Suffice to say, I'm not looking forward to the climbing phase.

To give you a sense of what we're up against, Hollie recently had to employ rockclimbing equipment to prevent pinched fingers.

And it's only a matter of time before he can reach and figure out how to unclasp the carabiners.

He was opening the lockers with one hand and slamming the door onto his other hand. As yet, he hasn't learned this isn't a good thing. Yes, we want to stop him from hurting himself. But we also want to prevent this.

Seriously. LG didn't develop the "let's empty the container of all of the things" impulse until 15-18 months.

Sure, it's messy, but it also leads to another cause of injury: slipping on floor books. For the record, children and parents are equally susceptible to slipping on floor books. We are not a graceful people.

Back in the kitchen, there are a host of ways to get in trouble. I left G2 with his sister for about 30 seconds the other day, and rushed back into the room when I heard the telltale click-click-click of the stove knobs firing up a burner. I find LG on the other side of the room and G2 smirking to himself while grasping the oven door handle like a chin up bar, left front burner turned to medium-low. There's a reason ovens and stoves have the knobs on the top console now, and $10 says it isn't because it's more convenient for the cook.

And the cabinets...

The ever-popular "Let me at the household chemicals" ploy.

For the moment, the door latches have stymied him. But he's a problem solver. It's like the raptors testing the fence in Jurassic Park; one of these days, he'll find the weak spot.

Which brings me full circle to the drawer I originally secured because of the dog. For the record, it only took Lola about a week to figure out how to open the drawer after I put the latches on. Something tells me if he was taller I wouldn't have that long.

"There are cookies in here. I know it!"