Conversations with Our Two-Year Old

Inspired by Conversations with my 2 Year Old, I'm going to periodically post conversations LG has with me and Hollie. (If you've never watched those, go ahead. I'll wait. They are hilarious, and more than a tiny bit creepy.) These conversations are not creepy at all, but they do illustrate that toddlers are on their own wavelength 90% of the time.

On trying to understand the word WHY at dinner
Me: Why are you licking your hand?
LG: Because Mama told me not to.
Me: No, that's why you shouldn't lick your hand. I'm asking why you are doing it.
LG: ...
Me: When I ask why, I'm asking you to tell me the reason you decided to do something. Why did you decide to lick your hand.
LG: Because I put it in my mouth.
Me: Okay, let's try this. What were you thinking about when you decided to lick your hand?
LG: Um... an elephant? (rimshot)

On transitive properties of freckles
LG: (from her carseat, frantically, while I'm driving) Daddy! I can't find my freckle!
Me: You have lots of freckles. What do you mean you can't find it?
LG: I can't find it! It's gone!
Me: There are at least three freckles on your legs. I'm sure they're still there.
LG: But this one moved!
Me: We'll double check your freckles when we get home. Your freckles can't move, sweetie.
LG: I found it! Oh, it's dirt.

On aggressive driving
Not a conversation, per se, but interesting nonetheless. I'm driving home with both kids on a four-lane road. I need to make a left turn at a light, but I'm in the right lane because I got distracted by G2 crying in the backseat. I'm still a ways from the light, and I see an opening between two cars, probably 10 car lengths or so. Plenty of room to move over.

In the process of moving into the left lane, I get in front of a guy who clearly thought he was going to put on the gas and sail through the light. Instead, he has to tap his brakes. (not slam, mind you. there was plenty of room between him and me.) Did I cut the guy off a little? Yes, but not that much. As it turns out, I don't even have to wait at the light. I made the turn quickly, without slowing down much at all, and he flies by behind me.

But as the guy flies through the light, he leans out his window and shouts "Jackass!" really loudly. LG immediately goes, "Daddy, someone shouted Jackie! Who were they talking to? Jackie, Jackie, Jackie."

She pays attention, but she doesn't pay attention that closely.
On the conversational habits of infants.
G2, for his part, is three months old, so he's not really talking.


Of course it's hard to get much vocalization going when you're constantly trying to devour your own hand.