My Kid Could Shoot That

I'm not above exploiting my child for fame and fortune, which is why I've decided LG will be a world famous photographer by the time she's 2 years old. I've only got 13 months, so it's time to get cracking.

I handed her the camera yesterday, just to see what kind of natural talent she has.

As I expected, her first attempt yielded a self portrait. Eleven months old, and she's already a narcissist.
Next, she turned the camera away from herself for a piece I call "Hold Still, Daddy"
Note how she's decided that faces aren't necessary for a properly composed shot.

Using that photo as inspiration, she decided on a theme for her first exhibition.

We call these "Left" and "Right." Why yes, armpits are an excellent metaphor for the American political system. Provocative, yet astute.

This might've gone on for a while, but she was momentarily distracted by a neighbor's dog that was off its leash. Unfortunately, no photographic evidence exists of this interlude, because she got so excited she dropped the camera.

When she picked it back up, she decided that a nice landscape might break up the theme a little bit.Note the strategically placed finger in the lower right portion of the lens. There are no accidents here, people.

Turning the camera back on herself, she decided to get raw... personal... in. your. face.
The art practically consumes you. Or rather, this next picture consumes you.
Her hunger for the avant-garde thus sated, we close the exhibition with a piece titled, "What are you looking at?"
My daughter the photographer. It might not be as good as a monkey with a camera, but then, you can always blame the equipment.

The 2nd Law of Thermodynamics

So the DC Comics universe has this concept of Order versus Chaos (not super original, but few comics ideas are). Various characters in the comics are embodiments of these two cosmic forces. Nabu, a Lord of Order, gives power to the hero Dr. Fate. Mordru, a Lord of Chaos, is a villain. But it's not always that clear cut. Hawk and Dove, two lesser heroes in DC canon, are given their power by the Lords of Chaos and Order, respectively. Neither Chaos, nor Order, is inherently bad or good, but two must exist in balance with one another.

All of that is just background to my main point. I think my daughter is a miniature Lord of Chaos.

Kids are messy. This isn't news. But I have never seen any child so young so committed to disorder as LG. Most kids will knock down a block tower shortly after you construct it. But she doesn't just knock down the stack. She terminates the tower--with extreme prejudice. It's not just stacks, either. LG has a set of stacking/nesting cups from IKEA. If she's around, these cups will be neither stacked nor nested. She prefers it if the cups are flung to the far corners of the room.

She's been doing that for a while, but her newest pastime is removing all of the objects from a container. She will take LEGOs out of her tub, one brick at a time, until the tub is empty. And then she's done. She doesn't play with them once they're free from their plastic prison. The game is just taking them out. As an experiment, I sat next to her while she took the bricks out, and as she removed bricks, I put them back in. She didn't get upset. She just kept going. We must've sat there for 10 minutes, taking bricks out, putting bricks back.

And it's not just toys either. I walked to the kitchen to get some iced tea yesterday, leaving her to take all the toys out of her toy box. She was uncommonly quiet while I was gone, always a bad sign. When I got back?

This:
That's a bag full of documents that need to be shredded.

A minute or so later?
People were coming over later, so I had to clean up. I moved her to the opposite side of the room, and tried to gather the papers up. I have never seen LG move as fast as she trucked across the living room just then. She DID NOT WANT those papers to go back in the bag.

And lest you think it's just toys and paper, let me show you why I can't fold laundry while she's awake.
This does not bode well for her keeping her room tidy as a teenager.

The Geeky, the Cute, and the Developmental (not mutually exclusive)

The Geeky

Hollie is on kind of a big Doctor Who kick right now. Although saying that is a bit like saying I've been on a breathing kick lately. Suffice to say, she loves the show. Don't get me wrong, so do I, but it's refreshing to have this one nerdy thing out there that she's slightly more passionate about than I am. (Our daughter might be named after a character on the show. Shhh!) That said, despite what her office cube might look like (covered in Doctor Who paraphernalia), there's actually very little Doctor Who stuff in our house. The odd sonic screwdriver pen, sure, but that's sort of handy.

But we do have this little cell phone fob hanging on the side of the refrigerator.
It's quite small, has never been attached to a cell phone, and to my knowledge, it's never actually worked. But it hangs there looking all TARDIS-y, and it is undeniably attractive baby bait.

You cannot open the fridge with LG in your arms. You cannot walk past the fridge with LG in your arms. Frankly, you can't go anywhere near the fridge if you'd hold LG. Because she will grab it.

Every. Single. Time.

And it should be noted: There are at least three dozen magnets and assorted papers on the fridge to which she pays absolutely no attention.

Hollie has taken to teaching her the basics of the Doctor Who theme when she grabs it. (Sing it if you know it! Oooo-weee-ooooooo!) I've got no hard evidence of LG performing it, but she often does respond with "oooo-oooo-oooo!" But she might just be excited that she's managed to grab the darn thing yet again.

The Cute

Seriously. How has it taken this long to get my daughter in a makeshift cape?

LG has been spending a lot of time in the pool at Hollie's parents' house, but this is the first time I've had the chance to get in there with her. This is one of my favorite faces. She makes it when she's really intrigued by something. In this case, that would be the pool ladder for some reason.

The Developmental
I have no idea what stage of development this is, but it shows that she's learning, which is exciting to me. We had some friends over last weekend, and toward the end of her evening, about an hour before bedtime, she started acting sleepy. And when she gets sleepy, she sometimes makes her way to the nearest pillow and:
But when she first did it, all four of us let out a collective "Awwww....". Which she liked so much, she laid her head down again, and again, and again. Eventually, she started laying down, but looking up, so she could see our reaction.
It's good to know I'm raising a ham. But as least she understands cause and effect.

Apropos of nothing, here is another picture of her looking intrigued by something, in this case a Shellie Mae bear courtesy of Auntie K-K and Unkie Don.

They Grow Up So Fast

The title above is clearly going to apply to a lot of posts from here on out, so I'll just use it now and get it out of the way.

But it really does feel like she's made massive developmental strides in the last few weeks. In the day or two before her 9-month doctor's appointment, she started clapping, waving, and high-fiving. And a day or two after the appointment, she was pulling herself up to a standing position by grabbing our hands. A few days after that (and every day since), all she wants to do is this:



And that was 2 weeks ago. She's much better at it now.

Yesterday, she stood up by herself in her kiddie pool, which was all the more impressive because she was standing in 3 inches of water.
And this morning, after moaning in her crib for a few minutes before her nap, she decided to start crying. When this happens, we usually let her go for a little while, and most times, she stops after a few minutes and falls asleep. This time, it went on for some time, and when I went to check on her (and her diaper, which is usually the problem if she won't calm down), I was greeted by something that looked like this:
Except significantly less happy. Little bugger had pulled herself up all on her own. I have no idea how much of the whining was done from a standing position. One clear instance where a video monitor would've been worthwhile.

I should note three things about the above picture. First, it was staged. I stood her up and she just held on. Second, it was taken more than a month ago. Third, I lowered the crib base about six-inches right after I took the picture. So when she pulled herself up this time, she wasn't nearly as high above the railing.

Physical stuff aside, she's really babbling away now, too. She seems to be naming things, although at this point, everything is "Ba!" Points at a ball? "Ba!" Points at a ring? "Ba!" Points at the dog? "Ba!"

And speaking of rings, she's a pro at the Rock-a-Stack. For a while, as with all her toys, she was much more into taking them apart or knocking them over than putting them back together again. Now, though, she carefully puts the rings back on the post, unless my foot is nearby, then she puts a ring on my big toe. Still... Progress!

Granted, all this progress comes with a price. As I said in a recent Tweet, she'll (hopefully) never have fewer teeth than she has now. She'll never walk less than she does now. She'll never be the lump who didn't smile at me when I held her.

I think I can live with that.

Update: I forgot one other thing that this little girl has decided she's big enough for. She has to feed herself. Even if it means spitting food out so she can be the one to shovel it back it. You can see how well that worked out yesterday.
I guess I got my beet mess after all.

Status Update: 9 Months

I took Little G to the doctor's office this past Thursday for her 9-month checkup. Just so this milestone doesn't go unremarked upon, here, in no particular order, are the things that I learned at this visit.

1. There is no one in the doctor's office at 12:45 pm on a Thursday. We were literally the only people in the waiting room for almost 10 minutes. This is apparently a regular occurrence. So much so that they had turned out the lights because no one needed them.

2. I am now old enough that it's not just the physician's assistants that look young. The doctors are also starting to look younger than me.

3. LG is 19 lbs, 1 oz, or at the 54th percentile for weight. Up from the 35th percentile at her 6-month checkup.

4. LG is 28 1/4 inches long, or at the 75th percentile for height. This is down from 85th percentile at her 6-month checkup. I contend, however, that the physician's assistant under measured by at least 1/4 inch, so it's likely she's closer to that 85th percentile.

5. LG's head circumference is 44 centimeters, or at the 50th percentile. I don't know why they measure this, and I don't recall the measurement from 6-months, beyond the fact that she's been exactly at 50th percentile since she was born. I also don't know why they take the measurement in centimeters rather than inches. Seems weird to use a different unit of measure for head circumference than length/height. Of note, the physician's assistant doesn't know why either. She had only written "44" in that space on her sheet, and when I asked why she used centimeters, she checked her tape measure to make sure that's what she was using in the first place.

6. LG doesn't even flinch if you give her one shot. She will, however, scream if you prick her finger for a blood test. But this will only last for as long as the doctor is squeezing her finger.

7. When the doctor puts a small Band-aid on your daughter's finger, then tells you to make sure she doesn't put it in her mouth, don't nonchalantly say "I got this" then allow your focus to stray. Because rest assured, your daughter will remove and eat the Band-aid.

8. Crawling is not a milestone, and your doctor doesn't care if your kid can do it. Well, that's not exclusively true. The doctor did ask, but she then told me it doesn't matter. Walking, sure, but crawling, not so much. I don't know why this isn't considered a developmental milestone. And I was so proud she's finally, sort-of, kind-of doing it.

9. Some shots make your kid sleepy. It's the first time this has happened, but Amelia fell asleep on the ride home from the doctor, about 30 minutes early for her nap. And she slept nearly two hours. I did not mind this.

10. When you have the cutest kid in the doctor's office, the front desk nurses aren't shy about telling you. Sweet.

The Expected June 19th Post

Well, here we are. It's June 19th, so it falls to me to post. I suppose it's expected of me to commemorate this day, so here goes.

Happy Feast Day of St. Hildegrin!

Wait, what? Not what you were expecting? Okay... well then, how about...

Happy World Sauntering Day! You could walk wherever you go today, but think how much more fun you could be having if you were sauntering.

I'm sorry? It's amazing how loud the imaginary shouts of my audience are in my head right now.

Alright, alright. Happy Father's Day!

This day is traditionally about celebrating your own father, and to that end, I'd like to wish my Dad a Happy Father's Day. I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that my own ideas about being a father are heavily influenced by my Dad, as it should be. Thankfully, he provided a positive influence, so I feel pretty lucky in that regard.

One specific memory of my Dad spring to mind when I think about being a good father. Dad had a Harry Chapin greatest hits double disc set (this one, I think), and as was typical in our house (and most homes, I'd wager), we listened to what Mom or Dad wanted to listen to. (Side note: I'd be willing to bet that I know more songs by '70's folk rock musicians than the average dude born in 1980. Jim Croce, James Taylor, Jackson Brown, and other people who weren't guys whose names start with 'J' were all in solid rotation.)

The song I remember most off that album is "Cat's in the Cradle. This song -- as you may know, since it was Chapin's biggest hit -- is about a dad who never had time for his son, and by song's end finds that his son doesn't have the time for him. Dad would occasionally get emotional when this song played, and he told me numerous times that when he became a father, he thought about this song, and how he never wanted to be in the position of the singer. He would always have time for his kids. And Dad did. He always listened. He always played catch. He always made time for us (my brothers, too) to do things together. Just in case he doesn't hear it enough: Thanks, Dad.

As to my own Father's Day, it's been pretty good so far. The first thing LG got me was a solid night's sleep (three days in a row! Keep it up, little girl!) It just got better from there. She made a water paint coloring page of Gambit from the X-Men, which I'm told started out with a paint brush, but quickly turned into a game of "make your hands wet, then crumple the paper."

Then she gave me an awesome, original masterpiece that looked like it was a heck of a lot of fun to make. It reminds me of another Harry Chapin song, "Flowers are Red," which is about a little boy who likes to paint flowers using every color of the rainbow. I was always a "color inside the lines as neatly as you can" kind of kid, but I see no reason why my daughter should do the same. Her way is more fun.

The finished product:
Hollie got me a gift that should be as much fun for LG as it will be for me. The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It. I look forward to tossing my offspring through the air onto a nearby mattress, as noted by a surprising number of illustrations. Should be springy, but not too springy. I don't want her to bounce too far.

Lastly, Hollie took my first six months of blogging (pre-baby) and had it bound into a book. It's awesome, and does a great job of showing how my mental state has changed since I started this little project. Of note, I took just as many long breaks between posts before LG was born as I do now, so I can't blame the baby for my lack of time.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've whiled away LG's entire naptime, and then some, writing this post. It's my day, and I've got some daddying to do.

Let it Fly in the Breeze and Get Caught in the Trees

Some of you may recognize the irony of this post, given that I'll be giving a fair amount of coverage to something not currently much in my possession, above the ears anyway. But bear with me. While my personal lack of experience in the last decade or so should be evident, that doesn't mean I don't have anything to say on the subject of hair.

Hair is one of those things, like eye color, ear size, or nose shape, that I spent a lot of time thinking about as Little G was percolating. I mean, yeah, given her parents, her hair would probably be brown, her eyes brown or hazel (jury's still out on that one), her ears big, and her nose... well, I'm not sure what her nose is supposed to look like, but it looks just fine as is.

But would she have a lot of hair? Would it be super fine? Curly? Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen?

The answer, at least initially, was this:
Dark, not terribly thick, but very much there. No bald babies in this house. Pretty typical, actually. (sidebar: you know that joke about how she's got more hair than me? That never gets old. Not even after the 87th person has said it. Yup, always funny... Just keep using it, people.)

But a curious thing happened not long after we brought LG home. Of its own volition, her hair did this:
Her first diaper change after bringing her home, and there it is: the fauxhawk. I would like to reiterate that in this instance, we did not do that on purpose. Apparently, our baby was born with hipster genes.

You might think it was a fluke. I sort of did. But day after day, there it was.
Sometimes smaller, to be sure. And sometimes, it might disappear almost entirely.
But then, the next day, sure enough, we'd get her out of the bassinet, and BOOM! FAUXHAWK!
Now, we have been known to give it a little encouragement. Occasionally, we'll straighten the hawk after bath time.
But most of the time, it needs no help at all.
Little-known fact: you can sneak up on a fauxhawk.
You can also paste it down.
But it will come back. And there's little you can do to stop it.
When you put it that way, it almost seems a little creepy.

If her eyes eventually turn hazel or brown, I'll know where it came from. Her ears are already big, and I know that's from my side of the family. But this fauxhawk? If it's genetic, I'd like to know how many generations it skipped to get here.