What to Expect in the Last Month of Expecting (and After)

G2's due date is March 28. With less than a month to go until his arrival, I've started mentally dividing my future plans into two categories: "before 2 kids" and "after 2 kids." There are things that I NEED to get done before G2 gets here and things that will undeniably occur afterward. (Of course, I say undeniably because we expect him to hold to his due date or earlier. He could surprise us and show up late, but for Hollie's sake, I hope not.) There are also significant (to me anyway) dates on the calendar that are going to happen when they happen, because that's how time works.

So without further ado, my life divided into two lists.

B2K

• Raise the crib to its highest level.
• Get a pile of things out of the attic and wash them (Rock n' Play, baby swing, infant clothes, etc.)
• It would be nice to stock the freezer with more food we can easily thaw, reheat and eat. I was much better about this the first time around.
• Speaking of the previous item, I need to get the oven fixed. It's been broken since November. I hate dealing with repairmen.
• Expunge sickness from my house. We're just now getting to the end of another round of everyone being sick. This needs to end, NOW. I do not want to deal with this crap with a newborn in the house. All viruses and bacteria, you have been warned. I will terminate with extreme prejudice, and copious DayQuil and antibiotics.
• Part of the above item: Aggressively clean the entire house.
• Cram in as much Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword as is reasonable, cuz I won't have time for video games that can't be played on an iPhone once the kid gets here. (Yes, I realize this game is more than two years old. I have a toddler. Don't judge me.
• Celebrate 33rd birthday. Celebrate is a strong word. I don't think I'll have time for celebration, even if G2 waits until after March 20 to arrive. Dutifully acknowledge my 33rd birthday?
• Finish LG's potty training. It would be nice to have only one set of diapers to change.

A2K

• Finish LG's potty training. Yeah, I hold no illusions that potty training will survive the impact of a baby brother entering LG's life.
• Re-arrange the kids' room. We need to make room for the crib AND toddler bed by replacing the futon with a comfortable chair (that hopefully turns into a bed).
• Doctor Who returns March 30!
• Celebrate Easter, though in what capacity, I have no idea. At the very least, LG will hunt for eggs in the backyard, provided it's not too cold or rainy.
• Movies I want to see, but will probably not see (at least not in theaters): Iron Man 3, Star Trek into Darkness, Man of Steel.

If it seems that the A2K list is a little pop culture heavy, it's only because of the season. It's summer blockbuster season in the age of the geek! I'm always going to miss something, but I can't think of a better reason to do so than integrating G2 into our lives.

There's Always Someone Cooler than You

Early in Hollie's first pregnancy, I spilled some digital ink over the subject of LG's (then unknown) gender. I went to even greater lengths once we discovered she was a girl.

But, having known for a while now that we're having a boy, I haven't really talked about what that means to me. To be fair, much of the existential hand wringing I did before LG's birth was because I didn't have any idea what being a parent was like, day to day. Turns out, you spend so much time worrying about feeding, clothing and otherwise keeping the kid alive that most of the intellectual stuff goes out the window. (Which is not to say I don't still worry about what growing up as a girl in 2013 means; I just don't write about it because of the aforementioned day-to-day raising of said girl.)

And so it goes through this pregnancy. I was so happy to find out G2 is a boy. As I told quite a few people at the time, a boy would give me a sense of balance. In the game of LIFE, I'd have a car with two blue pegs and two pink pegs. At the very least, my OCD tendencies could calm down for 5 seconds. Those somewhat bizarre feelings aside, I haven't found the time or the words to articulate all the thoughts bouncing around in my brain about what having a son means to me.

It means equal parts terror and concern for 12-to-16-year-old G2.

Because when I think about my son, I don't see him as an infant, toddler or even a grade schooler. I see him as a pre-teen and teenager. Why? Because if any one stretch of my life felt emotionally hard, it was those years.

I take it as a foregone conclusion that my children will be awkward. I was an awkward kid, and in some many ways, I'm an awkward adult. I'm slightly more aware of it now, perhaps, but no less awkward for the self-awareness. For my daughter, I don't know what that awkwardness will bring, because I was not a girl. I don't know what being the weird kid means for a girl. I'm VERY aware of what being the weird kid means for a boy.

It means getting picked on in gym class, and in the locker room.

It means having kids try to cheat off your tests, not necessarily because you're the smart one (though you may be), but because you lack the self-confidence rat them out or to tell them to stop.

It means worrying about getting a date to a dance, because how are you going muster up the strength to ask that question of someone you like?

(I'm quickly realizing that these apply equally to girls. Listen up, LG. This is for you, too.)

But however awkward he turns out, I'd like G2 to know that it really doesn't matter, because happiness and weirdness are not mutually exclusive. Those years may have been tough, by some definition, but they were filled with moments of supreme joy. Such is the manic nature of the young brain. Any given day might hold the worst things and the best things.

Besides, adolescence is going to be tough no matter who you are. The bullies in gym class? For some of them, that's as high on the food chain as they'll rise. The ones cheating off your test? They're terrified of failure in a why you'll never be.

And dates? Well, getting a date just sucks, and you have to suffer through it like we all did. Sorry.

Blogging Tweets & Facebook Posts: The Internet Collapses Into Itself

One of the things I struggle with as a blogger (even one as unreliable as me) in this ever-connected world is whether or not I should share a particular piece of information via the blog or some other social platform. If I snap a cute picture of LG on my phone, can I write a story about it, or should I just post it to Facebook? If she utters an utterly jaw-dropping non-sequitur in the car, will I remember it to write about later, or should I tweet it immediately?

Granted, social media is my actual job, so it's possible I think about this more than most people.

But the biggest problem with sharing these awesome experiences on Facebook and Twitter is that those platforms are ephemeral. With the blog, I've got a great archive (however spotty) of the weird and wacky things my kid says and does.

So in an effort to collect these recollections in one place, I now present the first blog post dedicated to the random quotes, pictures and stories that have appeared elsewhere. Fair game: My Facebook, Hollie's Facebook and my (languishing) Twitter feed.

1/15/2011 - Matt's Twitter
My daughter and my vehicle inspection were both due in September. Guess which one happened and which one I just got pulled over for.

1/27/2011 - Matt's Twitter
My wife tells me I'm not allowed to tweet about poop. This is not such a tweet. But man, if I was allowed, would I have a crazy tweet!

3/11/2011 - Matt's Twitter
I realize it is unreasonable to expect this every night, but LG just woke up from 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep IN HER CRIB. #happydance

6/6/2011 - Matt's Twitter
LG's third tooth just popped through. If I do my job as a parent correctly, she will never have fewer teeth than this.

7/26/2011 - Matt's Twitter
My baby thinks she's a dog and my dog thinks she's people. In related news I need to babyproof the dog's bowl and dogproof the diaper bag.

9/20/2011 - Matt's Twitter
And the streak is over. On her 373rd day, LG got sick.

12/3/2011 - Matt's Twitter
LG slept on her hair funny last night, such that it looks like she's wearing a Bumpit (TM).

12/12/2011 - Matt's Facebook
Hollie isn't feeling well, and her voice has been giving out from time to time. As I was getting LG out of her carseat, the following conversation transpired.

Hollie: I hope I have what she had (LG was sick last week), so she doesn't get sick.
Me: I don't know. She didn't sound hoarse at all when she was sick.
LG: Neigh! Neigh!

12/14/2011 - Hollie's Facebook
Awesome morning with the little one. We "brushed the teeth" of every toy in the house. This basically consisted of going over to every toy, smacking it in the mouth-area with her old infant toothbrush, and shouting "TEETH!"

12/14/2012 - Matt's Twitter
Apparently my daughter has said "apple" and "teeth" today. I miss being home with her.

12/14/2011 - Hollie's Facebook
Animals with clean mouths: teddy bears, baby dolls, santa pillow, snoopy, dinosaur, and of course bugs. Yes, our bugs have the cleanest teeth. :)

2/9/2012 - Matt's Twitter
LG prefers her kids songs to the radio in the car, but then La Bamba came on and she happily sang to herself. I don't know what that means.

3/13/2012 - Hollie's Facebook
We found a spinosaurus, a hadrosaur, an ankylosaurus, a stegosaurus and a velociraptor all before lunch. Hey, paleontologists, you're looking in the wrong place. Our sandbox is apparently THE dig site.

3/19/2012 - Matt's Twitter
Last day of winter, 5:56 pm. Awesome.

4/25/2012 - Hollie's Facebook
All afternoon, LG picks up maple seeds all over the lawn, holds them above her head and shouts "BABY TREE!"
This may be my proudest moment as a mother. :)

6/6/2012 - Matt's Facebook
Behold! A picture of something I made sitting on another something I made! One is infinitely cuter, and it's the one with which I had help from Hollie.

Hint: it's the one in the hat.

7/13/2012 - Hollie's Facebook
I have never seen a child so distraught as mine at the thought of three little kittens being denied pie. She says "no pie" with all the empathy a toddler can muster.

10/8/2012 - Matt's Facebook
LG: this is my skull. (points to top of head)
Hollie: it protects your brain.
LG: like a helmet. It's my brain helmet.

Your skull: it's like a brain helmet.

10/12/2012 - Hollie's Facebook
LG and I played hide and seek at the park this afternoon. Can you find her?

10/15/2012 - Matt's Facebook
This picture just about sums up the weekend.

But to belabor the point: pumpkin pancakes, wagon ride to pumpkin patch, pumpkin picking, hay maze, corn maze, slow cooker chili, making chicken stock, stacking firewood, building a scarecrow, carving pumpkins (with a Dremel, thankyouverymuch).

11/25/2012 - Matt's Facebook
I am a paleontologist. 

(That's what I am. That's what I am.)

12/17/2012 - Matt's Facebook
LG: Daddy, this is my flower.
Me: It's beautiful! What color is it?
LG It's purple, and his name is Andrew.

1/5/2013 - Matt's Facebook
Me: If you want a milkshake, you have to eat more of your French fries.

I am an excellent father.

1/6/2013 - Hollie's Facebook
My child has her preggo mom's number.

LG in Target: "Look! Cookies to share with mama!"

Guess who is munching a cookie right now?

1/18/2013 - Matt's Facebook
My parents may be the only people who appreciate the significance of this, but it pleases me to no end that LG spent most of the car ride home tonight singing Roger Miller's "Do Wacka Do," and asking to hear it over and over.

1/23/2013 - Hollie's Facebook
Storytime with LG

LG: There was a green bug, and he said, "Oh my! My foot hurts!"
Mama: Why did his foot hurt?
LG: Because a crab pinched his toes. He went to the doctor and said, "Oh my! My foot hurts! I need a band aid." The doctor gave him a band aid. He said, "Oh my! That feels better."

The End.

1/27/2013 - Matt's Facebook
Sports with LG

This morning we played a game she invented called "soccer."

First you hit the soccer ball (plastic pear) with the baseball bat (plastic cucumber).

If you're lucky, you hit the pins (6 Weebles arranged in a triangle).

Run. Scream. Repeat.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

LG's mama here.  Given the topic of this post, Matt can claim little expertise so I am taking over for a time.  Matt is knowledgeable on just about any topic- and even if he's not he can fake it with the best of them.  However, hair is not one of those topics. (Insert Matt-is-bald joke and high hat crescendo here.)

I am not much more qualified to discuss appropriate hair styling. When I was little, my mother and I engaged in many a lengthy battle about my hair and the brushing thereof.  She put up a good fight, but I definitely went to school more than once with a head full of knots and who knows what else. Eventually things evened out, but when I took a job where I would be surrounded by animals and children, the messy ponytail took a firm hold.  Currently, I am rocking a Rogue-esque gray streak which I have convinced myself I aesthetically enjoy and is not the result of me being too lazy to get my hair dyed to cover it.

LG's hair has been a source of never ending joy and frustration to both Matt and I.  The old wives tale that predicted that my child would be born with a full head of hair as indicated by my pregnancy heartburn proved to be pretty accurate. More accurate in fact than what most of the doctors predicted about LG.

Her first day home, and already she made the house more fabulous.

Her hair then took a turn for the awkward. We were warned that she could lose some of those flowing locks as she grew.  I assumed it was an all or nothing proposition.  What we really got was a Peter Boyle thing going on.

Picture her tap dancing to "Putting on the Ritz" or yelling at Ray Romano. Your choice.

To cement the ridiculousness of this hairstory, there was also has a horseshoe shaped bald spot on the back of  her head from sleeping in the greatest technological advance in baby-sleeping ever- her Rock 'n' Play Sleeper.  She slept like the proverbial baby, but suffered the indignity of having a reverse receding hairline on the back of her noggin.You can't see it in too many pictures.  Perhaps she was too self conscious about it.

Then things got awesome.

Real awesome.

Baby Fauxhawk. 'Nuff Said.

Morning, noon, and night, her hair was at attention.

While I loved the fact that her hair was always ready for a rockin' party, I was starting to get worried that her hair would continue to grow up and not down. What do you do if that happens?  Invest in Dep gel and spike it like your life depends on it?  Pull a Sinead and shave it down?  Hide it under a Blossom hat? (Why are all my solutions 90s trends?)  I needn't have worried.  Her hair eventually settled into the most adorable pixie do all on its own.  People pay big money for their hair to do what LG's did naturally. 

The pouty cuteness is unbearable in this one.

The next stage in her hair development still gives Matt the shakes. Her hair kept growing- I've been told if you feed kids, these sorts of things are bound to happen. That would be fine, but it got to ragamuffin levels.  (If I'm not in the 1990s, I'm in the 1490s...) She has a wicked cowlick at the back of her head, and all the hair grew at different rates.  It drove me batty.  I can't tell you why strands of hair in her face bugged me so much, but they did.  Up to this point, we had never subjected her to big ol' bows and flowers on her head and only slapped a clip in her hair for special occasions.These sorts of things have just never been on my radar. I am a jeans, t-shirt, no makeup sort of girl.  I only got a grown-up hair stylist at the ripe old age of 29.   But some switch was flipped, and I turned into crazy pageant mom when her hair was messy and in her face. (Though, that is an exaggeration. For the record, I do not endorse tanning, flippers, or hair extensions.) I'm not proud of it. I can pretend it was born of necessity, but really, once I discovered she would willingly let me put in pigtails, ponytails, and more, it was a labor of love.  I loved the bouncy pigtails and messy up-dos.  Her face was just too cute to hide behind a wall of hair. And, when I found G2 was going to be a boy, it reached a fevered pitch. Like I said, she didn't really fight me on it.  I would usually get the whole shebang done before she was finished eating her waffle in the morning.  Yes, I would do her hair while she was strapped in her high chair and very distracted.  Don't judge until you see how cute it looked.

I was particularly proud of the braids.

No harm no foul. Until I had to be at work before she woke up.  In such cases, it became Daddy's job to tame the bedhead.  It was not pretty. I won't go into too many details- mainly because it really works Matt up.  For a man who's attention to detail when folding paper or wrapping a present is headachingly perfect, it was amazing how little hair actually made it into the rubberband when he was at the helm.

Because of this great divide, I finally conceded that she needed a haircut. I had been trimming her bangs for months. She didn't fight me, I only cut them slightly too short once, and her eyeballs are still intact. Matt claimed this was not enough and she needed a "real" haircut. I pushed the main event off until after Christmas because I didn't want it to be "Bad Haircut Christmas" when we looked back at the pictures. That day will come, but I wasn't ready yet.  I was nervous for lots of reasons.  I was afraid she would have one of those little kid mullets you see everywhere. I was scared she would flip out having a stranger come at her with scissors and would end up with half a haircut.  Logically, I know hair grows back.  I have had my fair share of bad haircuts, and haven't really sweated them.  I always shrugged them off and busted out the bobby pins. It was time to put that "logic" to the test.

We settled on Kids Kuts despite its poor spelling skillz because they let the kids sit in a car or on an animal while they get their hair cut. Seems fun, right? Observations from the event:

• Apparently only dads take their sons to haircuts. And, each time the stylist asked the dads what they wanted for their sons, they all shrugged and grunted "A boy haircut."  Apparently this is universally understood by hairdressers.
• Little boys will scream like they are being tortured when they get their hair cut.  
• Toys in the waiting room of a hairdressers skeeve me out only slightly less than the toys at the doctor's office.
•  Matt and I have serious stylist bias.  Independently, we were both silently hoping for the stylist with the nose ring and black hair instead of the one with the dark roots and blond ponytail.  Our wish was granted.
• I think it's weird to keep a lock of hair from a kid's first hair cut.  At the Academy, we have a book of presidential hair.  It's exactly what it sounds like. Visitors love this book of little bundles of hair from people who are long dead.  It weirds me out. I couldn't think of anything else when the stylist asked me if I wanted a lock of hair.

Kids Kuts was a great choice.  She loved sitting on the frog to get her hair cut and as luck would have it, they were showing The Muppets on the big screen in front of her.  She was quiet and patient, and the stylist was perfect.  She got exactly what I was asking for, and didn't waste time trying to butter the kid up.  She got in and out.

Bless you Muppeteers for making our lives just a little easier once again.

And the result was adorable.

The lollipop was just gravy after a ride on the froggie.

I think we'll keep up this style for a while.  I'll miss the pigtails, and I will forever be a little bummed that she got Matt's poker straight hair and none of my wild, wavy hair. Regardless of the state of her locks, she'll always be an amazing kid who's funny, brilliant, charming, loving and beautiful.

Even when her hair looks like this.

BONUS HAIR OUTTAKES!

Christmas, Take Three: The Year It All Came Together - Part 2

As promised on Monday, here's Part 2 of the Best Christmas Ever (so far).

10. LG helped pick out the Christmas tree. I actually took her on a practice run to the tree farm with her cousin and Hollie's Dad a week earlier than when we chose our tree. This primarily served as an opportunity to hide behind various Norway Spruce and shout at things. But it was gratifying nonetheless that she had a good time, and she did eventually give her approval to the tree you see below.

Mostly, she ran around and shouted at goats, but hey, what more do you want?

11. Unlike last year, she took an active interest in decorating the tree. Look, I fully recognize that I'm lucky. LG, while as clumsy as you'd expect from a being composed of equal parts Hollie and Matt, is a relatively careful and conscientious kid. She doesn't want to break things, and rarely goes out of her way to do so. Even so, she really wanted to help decorate the tree and was extra careful when doing so, without much prompting from us. Granted, it helps that we laid out all the kid-appropriate ornaments for her to choose from, but it still makes me proud that she was so careful.

It doesn't hurt that I have a giant box of tin ornaments like the one in the lower left picture.

12. Cookies fix everything. By this point in our excursion to see Santa and Christmas lights at the farm, LG's patience for the entire endeavor was wearing thin. Solution? Cookie. As I've stated before, I am an excellent father.

The only appropriate caption is "Om nom nom."

13. LG loves her cousins, second cousins and rabbits. We went through the phase when she loved everyone. We went through the phase when she was scared of everyone. We're currently in the phase when she's shy for 5 minutes, then she won't stop climbing on you. This was especially true of her cousin in the upper left and my cousin in the upper right. But it didn't take long before they were her favorite people in the room on Christmas Eve. 

Until the bunny came out. At that point, no one mattered.

And of course she has no problem stealing whatever Alissa is holding in the lower right.

14. Trains are wonderful things. When I was young, one of the highlights of our visit to my Uncle Charles & Aunt Nancy's house was Charles' massive train layout. Multi-tiered, intersecting tracks with tunnels and at least one train that blew smoke: it was amazing. And trains are at least as entertaining to LG. It doesn't even need to be that complicated. If it goes round and round and makes a whistling sound, it's okay by her.

Occasionally, you may need to provide your own whistle. This is fine, too.

15. Christmas Day was by turns wonderful and exhausting. I wish I could say that the exhausting portion of the morning resulted in a longer nap in the car on our annual 2.5 hour trip back to New Jersey. Alas, we only got 45 minutes of sleeping toddler. But still, look at how much fun she's having!

She looks weirdly surprised to be wearing an apron. 

16. Sometimes, Christmas lasts 'til New Years Eve. And sometimes, your friends dress your daughter like a princess. They've been threatening it since LG's birth, but our friends Kristen and Don doubled down on the frilly and glittery when they came to visit for our annual New Year's outing. I'd be more upset at LG's girlification if the things didn't make her so stinking happy.

Also, wand, sword, what's the difference? Either way, someone's going to get smacked in the head.

So yeah, Christmas was fun. I'm sure I've left out some ridiculously cute or amusing story, but in a season so full of fun and excitement, it's hard not to. And I've got to save something for next year, although I expect that blog post to be full of pictures of LG covering G2 in wrapping paper.

 BONUS PICTURE.

Nope, still not shiny enough.

Christmas, Take Three: The Year It All Came Together - Part 1

LG's first Christmas was fun, in that she wore a lot of different outfits. But she was sort of a lump, in that she just kind of sat where we laid her, and occasionally chewed on stuff.

Her second Christmas had its moments, too. She liked to look at lights; she opened presents with a little prompting; and she knew that Santa said "Ho, Ho, Ho."

But this year? This year we took the Holidays to a completely new level. Despite at least seven bouts of illness afflicting the three of us over the course of a month, it honestly might have been the best Christmas ever.

What's that? You'd like this explained in list form with helpful photographic proof? Here you go.

1. She took a much more active role in making wrapping paper for her gifts. Yes, we did do this last year, but you'll notice that she's being way more deliberate about it. You can even see individual footprints. Dexterity is a wonderful thing.

Most of the paint was on the paper or her feet, too. At least, in these pictures.

2. We finally managed to keep up with the Advent Calendar. Every morning before school, she carefully pulled an ornament out of one of the pockets, and just as carefully placed it on the tree. This is absolutely the first year that we didn't skip two or three days at a time because we just forgot about it. Plus, she only broke two or three of them, which puts her basically on par with Hollie and I in terms of how many we've had to repair each year.

And every day, we'd count the ornaments and point out every one we already hung.

3. She actively appreciates Christmas music. Seriously, we're going to be singing "Jingle Bells" and "Frosty the Snowman" until June. Prior to Christmas, she did know the words to a few songs, like "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" and "Mary Had a Little Lamb." But we hit some kind of memory milestone just as we started playing Holiday music around the house. My only regret is that she loved The Chipmunks Christmas and The Muppets' Red & Green Christmas albums so much that we didn't really listen to the more standard songs. Yet she somehow still knows the words to "Jingle Bell Rock" anyway.

4. She made her own gifts, and handed them out. In case it's hard to tell, we dipped pretzels in chocolate and then covered them in various toppings. LG handed them out individually to every single person in our family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and it was just as adorable as you'd imagine. So cute, in fact, that we forgot to take pictures of it.

I promise, no one was sick when we made these. But we sanitized constantly anyway.

5. While I'll readily admit that this is related to Christmas only inasmuch as it was on our visit to Johnson's Corner Farm to see Santa, my elation at seeing her play with all these carpentry toys knows no bounds. And it completely justifies the kid's tool set we bought for Christmas.

I love that she's using each tool more-or-less correctly. She clearly pays attention when I fix things around the house.

6. Anything even remotely Christmas-related held her attention. Here, we were watching Mrs. Claus read Twas the Night Before Christmas. Granted, she didn't want to go sit near Mrs. Claus, but given our history with her husband in years past, this was a stellar improvement. She just loves stories so much; it doesn't matter who's reading.

Granted, once she started the next story, LG wanted to go get some cookies. In fairness, it was dinner time.

7. She adored Christmas specials. We're judicious about TV at our house. Half an hour of whatever she wants after her bath (unless she's sick, in which case all bets are off). But we did make exceptions for Christmas specials these past few weeks (though, to be fair, most of those were after bath, too). She can tell you the plot of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer backwards and forwards. LG is particularly fond of Bumble's redemption by the end of the show. She loves to tell you how he puts the star on the tree. Come to think of it, she also likes to tell you how the Grinch gives all the toys back, too. 

But giving these animated specials a run for their money is the Muppet Family Christmas from 1987. There's almost no plot, but it's wall-to-wall Muppets. And you really can't go wrong with that. It doesn't hurt that halfway through watching it the first time, a group of carolers made their way past our house, stopped, and serenaded us with poorly played trumpet accompaniment. It was awesome.

8. Our visit with Santa went much better this year. We're not entirely sure why, but our theory is 1 year older + tractor - lap = tolerable Santa experience.

The cookie probably didn't hurt either.

9. The Macy's light show was just as fascinating the third time around. After three trips to the light show, it's officially a tradition for LG now. Add to that the fact that she could follow along and sing the songs as they played, and it was just glorious. Last year she wanted to run around halfway through the show, but this time, she didn't want it to end.

Ask her about it, and she'll still tell you how Frosty waved his arms.

Thus ends Part 1 of the Best Christmas Ever (til next year). Tune in later this week for Part 2.

In Sickness and in Health

I don't know that I've bragged much in this space about LG's crazy immune system. Or rather, I can't be bothered to check the archives to see if I have. We've been extraordinarily lucky with respect to her health.

In the 27 months she's been around (yup, today is the 27-month birthday), she's gotten sick a grand total of five times. AND the first time wasn't until just before her first birthday. AND at least two of those bouts of ill health were over in 36 hours. I was beginning to think her mutant power was enhanced healing factor. If bone claws suddenly popped out of the back her hands, I wouldn't have been as surprised as you'd think.

So it's probably with no small amount of karmic payback that--after six weeks of daycare--the universe has seen fit to smack LG with her first, honest-to-god, nose-running, stuffy-head, hacking cough (sweet holy moses why don't they make nyquil for kids?), prolonged fight with a cold.

To my friends and acquantainces whose children have been sick more often than mine: I'm sorry. I didn't realize what you were going through.

To everyone else: this sucks.

So without further ado, here are the top 7 things I've learned in the last 10 days of having a toddler with a wicked cold.

1. Blowing your nose is a learned skill. Much like using the bathroom or tying a pair of shoelaces, a child doesn't know how to blow her own nose. And I don't mean she doesn't know proper tissue placement for maximum de-stuffification. I mean she literally does not understand that she can exhale forcefully through her nose into a tissue and make herself feel better. Hollie has walked in on me exaggeratedly breathing in through my mouth and exhaling through my nose in front of LG trying to make her understand. To her credit, Hollie did not find this strange. To LG's credit, she sort of gets it, but then forgets the next time I ask her to do it.

2. A toddler's hoarse voice, is simultaneously sad and really funny. I don't want LG to have a cold, but if she's going to have a cold, I prefer that she sounds like Elaine Stritch after a pack of cigarettes and two balloons worth of helium.

3. Toddler coughs in the middle of the night in a dark house are among the saddest sounds in the world. Probably second only to infant coughs, but we didn't experience that, so I have nothing to compare this to. Granted, fast forward a couple of months to LG inevitably infecting G2 with another one of these colds, and I'm sure I'll find out.

4. As much as you might think otherwise, you don't have to respond to every cough, sneeze or wheeze. Up until last night, at the cold's low point, LG coughed once or twice an hour overnight, and it didn't even phase her. Slept right through the whole thing. Kids: they're stronger than you realize, and they just don't care what's supposed to make them feel bad. (Granted, last night, the phlegm started waking her up, and consequently, me.)

5. Just cuz she's sick, doesn't mean she's going to stop moving. Along the same lines as my previous point, LG doesn't care that she's sick. She wants to run, spin, twirl, flip, climb and kick, and a little mucus isn't going to stop her. It's going to freak me out as I'm chasing her around with a tissue to wipe her nose, but then, that's probably half the fun.

6. Just because she's sick, doesn't mean that other kids don't have it worse. At least seven of her classmates at daycare were absent on Monday because of a stomach bug. So it could be worse (and it might still get there). I've got my fingers crossed the cold bugs are fighting the stomach bugs and winning.

 7. Just because she's sick doesn't mean we have to stop having fun. It's Christmas for crying out loud! Runny nose or not, in the last 10 days we've: visited the Macy's Light Show and the Dickens Christmas Village; picked out a Christmas tree and decorated it; bundled up and walked around the neighborhood after dark to look at Christmas lights; went shopping for gifts; made presents for family and friends; and pretty much didn't let it stop us from celebrating the season.

Think of this as Santa's runway.

So take that, rhinovirus. You're not the boss of me or my kid. (But please go away soon. I would like to get some sleep before G2 shows up and wrecks that whole thing.)